Back to Chicago

Because over the last four years, I can't seem to get enough change, sorry President Obama, change has been my mantra for over four years, I am now back in Chicago.

I am here for a couple of reasons. I miss my mom, although living in the same house with her doesn't guarantee our bonding. The job market seemed better in Chicago and that is what I need right now! A job, some security and a place dig in some roots to grow.

I did want Austin to be that place, and I LOVE, LOVE it. But my family needs some more support, as my mom's cognitive impairment is proving to be more then my stepdad and sister can provide. I need to figure out how I can fit it to best help with their established routines.

The best news is I have a new job as the Grants and Communications. More on that later.

Foundation christmas party tonight

I'm just tired though. Finally got to sit down after getting home from work and it's already 7 pm.
It's a full effort to pick myself up off the couch, shower and drive downtown to arrive lone at the party.

Anchors away. Although a tombstone pizza and some reality tv always sounds good to me on Friday.

The long and winding road leads to...

As soon as I decided to call Austin home, the place slipped away from me. I was hesitant to name it in the first place, as my situation seemed surreal. It is teaching me a lesson in grabbing what you want; it might not be there tomorrow.

One day last August, I am managing our business at the train station and the next I am sweeping a vacant storefront full of dust bunnies. A storefront left empty when our landlords cleared the 543 square feet of our equipment and inventory. They thought that would be the best way to procure their past due rent.

The resulting lawsuit between our two parties held most of my Fall days hostage. Then, before I knew it, I was settled and sipping coffee in Jenny’s backyard on a balmy 60 degree day in December. I really thought I had found my shangri la, but I didn't do anything to make it permanent.

And now time is pressing on me, as my contract expires at the Foundation in December, and I haven’t had much luck securing other work here in Austin. That means I need to expand my job search to incorporate Chicago as well. I am ambivalent about it, since Chicago and I didn’t leave on such good terms. Chicago and I have a relationship like an old married couple who get sick of each other and require a break. It's usually once every ten years.

If needed, I hope we can reconcile. The last time I was in Chicago, things had changed. I noticed I didn’t fit in like I used to. The people seemed more up tight and aggressive then I remember. In Austin, I became accustomed to walking into a restaurant for brunch and being able to find a seat immediately, a 20-minute commute to work and basically a slower pace of life.

Chicago has my friends and family and familiarity. I would look forward to that recognition. That is something I am missing here.

Austin has gotten me a few steps closer to the shiny self I used to be, but Chicago will always be home. My goal, where ever I end up is to find my shiny self. I will be opening up my fate to both cities and we can see who comes out on top.

Sorry - you are not a fit.

Okay, so I didn’t get the "tide me over and give me some stability" job at the Foundation. They hired a paralegal with non-profit experience. It is a good thing for them, and I feel like I dodged a bullet.

If I am supposed to be searching out my ideal career and taking chances on finding my life’s work – because I never did it during college or high school. The admin job isn't it. No offense to admin jobs, I have done many. I just think it would slowly kill me inside to organize and structure things for other people all day, when I wanted to accomplish things myself.

Learning from Jenny has bePutting myself first is a lesson, and being an Executive Asst has nothing to do with that. So I move forward with my baby steps towards jobs in writing, photography or radio.

Here is the one I applied for today. Yep, it's in Chicago.

PR Associate

First Fall-like day here in Texas

Finally, a chill in the air on this fall election day. I warmed myself up with some chicken vegetable soup, homemade of course - in a sandra lee semi-homemade kind of way. Its just a little olive oil, saute some chopped onions, celery and carrots (not baby carrots) then add your favorite chicken broth and simmer three minutes too long and the veggies will get mushy. You want them to have a bit of a bite! Then top it with fresh parsley at the end and toasted, crusty bread.

Yum. I love fall. And now I can enjoy it more the campaign ads disappearing for a while.

Interviewing for a job you don't know you want.

So I made it to the final round of the Executive Assistant interviews, and the cookies represent the adorable "thank yous" I left for all fifteen people I had to have the final round of interviews with. Yes - 1 - 5! Fifteen.

There was the culture"" interview with people the HR recruiter assumed I didn't know although I did, so I could talk about what I like to do in my off time (which leads me to another post about where companies are going with this nonsense).

The "cross functional" interview with people in different departments that work heavily with the two gentlemen I would be supporting. This was the most informational interview for me. I went into all the interviews with the intent to discover as much information as I could about whether the job would be a good fit for me. In this interview I was able to find out more about how my bosses really work and interact with people in ways I don't think they could explain about themselves.

And on the topic of explaining, I must admit, this is a job I am not sure I want or is a good fit for me. I could do it well, but I am worried about it slowly killing my drive. As mentioned in the previous post. The paycheck and security is appealing.

So I had to figure out "How do I interview for a job I don't know I want?" And the answer for me, very openly. It was the best interview I have ever done. I was honest. I have been so trained to find the answer I believe the interviewer is looking for - I tend to not really answer the question for myself.

And I think that is one of the reasons I end up with careers and jobs I do well at, but leave me with a nagging sense of missed opportunities and the sands of time ticking away on me. No Joy - no fullfillment.

I am a good interviewer, and end up being selected based on answers that don't ring true to me. DONE with that. This interview was liberating.

In the 30 minutes with the "People and Organization Development" team, when I was asked if my current job in Communications would be open and this Executive Assistant job - which would I prefer? I answered my current job. It was funny the way Amber, who has been with HR at the foundation for four years was asking me the same question three different ways.

And not in a please we want you to answer it is a way, so we can hire you - I got the vibe early on that HR did NOT want me for this gig, so I was surprised - even though I had executive support experience - that I made it to the final round. No Amber was asking it like she was the smartest person in the room with her clever interviewing techiniques, and several times interrupted the interview to make "funny" asides and inside jokes with the VP of People and Organizational Development.

So I answered in several times that I would always want my current job. And I told them I am up for a 9-5 schedule, but not to be drilled at all hours to set up calendars and take calls from the executives.

I made it professional, and was extremely prepared for the interviews. I discussed how I would effectively organize these two executives and that I did want the job because I was looking for stability and a place to develop roots. So I gave it my all and was truly honest. I don't think I could have done better for me.

So I handed out by "thank you" cookies and will see what comes of this job. I rest assured though, that I gave it my all.

Here are two other jobs I just applied for this week:
Manager Corporate Partnerships - Feeding America
Business Development Manager - Demand Studios

and it will take a lot of work...

I am at an impasse here in Austin. Sounds trite, but these next few career decisions will help shape my fate. And I want the fortitude to choose the path I believe I was meant for in the long run. While I am unconventional – I cling to a very hum drum conventional life. Currently I am waiting to see if the foundation I am at will hire me at an Executive Asst. I know - I never would have guessed that either. That organizing other people would be a career path for me. I barely keep myself together. It just seems safe. There is a fearfulness attached to my seeking joy, that I don’t truly understand.

(WARNING - this next paragraph contains some deep introspective thinking developed with a mature audience in mind) I think about it often, and it has something to do with achieving joy and then having it taken away from me. How to live with that type of scar or wound. Your in love and it falls apart, and then you life with the best part of your life behind you! Ouch. Although this holding pattern of a life I have planned has started to irritate me.

As I turned 40 this year, this avoidance is beginning to develop buds of “what if” on my tree of life. What if I would have gone to college for Photography, what if I let myself lose this weigh to be the best person I can be, what if I let my mind decide what my life’s goal really is and work towards that, instead of these difficult challenges I keep putting in my own way (ie selling telcom networks, starting a business from the ground up, becoming a Executive Asst). They are meaningful distractions to my own life's work.

I just am slowly realizing that the sands of time are not waiting patiently for me to figure out what to do with myself! And I wonder when AM I going to get onto this life I dream about.

Shouldn’t I be like the Avett Brothers say and “Decide what you want to be and go be it”. Why is that thought so chilling for me.

My counter argument to the "follow my bliss" path is that with a stable job that brings in good pay, I could start to pay down my debt, and train for my next career phase. I could be training for that change while still bringing in a pay check, so that is admirable. Right>?!

I don't know. I will fill you in as I navigate this tempest storm of thought! Because really - it is weighing on way. Make a decision already and move forward.