It is hard to come back to a 9-5 after running your own gig for so long. Part of me is excited about the new space, the free coffee and my limited responsibilities. Another part of me knows I have to be reigned in and not try to control the whole place. Or at least my little piece of the Coomunications world.

I take pride in my work, but sometimes I don't know when to let go. It was a definite "learn" (thing I learned) from Entrees By You, so I don't want to fail back into old-manic habits.

As a way to help my control issues, I enrolled in an improv class here in Austin at ColdTowne Theater. It's close, and I went to a show on Saturday and felt a longing for the days I did improv at the Second City school. So I am there now. Wednesdays, 6-8 pm. This Wednesday will be my first class. I'll let you know how it goes.

I also enjoyed a drink by myself on Saturday night. I wanted time to think, and Ginny's Longhorn Saloon provided the perfect backdrop. Dane Sterling and his band were playing Country favorites from Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson and I sat at the bar nursing my cold Dos Equis out of the chilled juice glass. Sharon the bartender wrinkled her brow when I asked for a glass - I guess that is high-maintenance. It didn't bother me. I wanted a glass, and the fact it was chilled made it double the fun.

Look how far I have come. I am sitting in a bar enjoying myself and not making eye contact with Tony - who is sitting next to me. I just want alone time. Me, my beer and my country ballads.

I got a job...

That might be old news to some of you, but the first month was so stressful, I didn't have time to post. I wrote, but no time to edit. Now I make time.

My job is with a Communications department at a foundation, and since I had to sign a confidentialty agreement, I won't be naming the place. I am excited about it, and will catch you up.

It came about in the exact way every career coach I spoke with said it would. Networking. People find jobs through networking over 80% of the time versus, sending blind resumes out over the internet or any other avenue.

I have to agree, because it was getting down to it, and I was branching out into the fields of retail customer service, and waitressing - but with no success there. So I feel you have to know someone to get a job anywhere!

You would think with four years of direct customer service, a family-run florist in town called Freytag's would be interested in me. But they weren't. And I followed up.

Or the Simplicity Wine bar, after I caught the manager and discussed my food service and waitress experience and the fact I have my sanitation license. She seemed interested, and as we were talking, a server called in sick. Maybe this was the wrong move, and made me seem desperate, but I said I could cover the shift tonight if she was short.

She looked happy and confused at the same time. I think her name was Heather. She never called, and it looked like she had her hands full with just day to day stuff as her boyfriend was helping her with the opening duties.

Better I am not at either place, but the night I met Heather and she didn't call - I made a list of everything I wanted in a job:
* Strategic
* Fast paced
* Helping people
* Non-conventional
* Creative exchange of ideas and ability to execute on them
* Well respected place
* Fresh - open minded work force
* Learning each day

and it all came true.

My housemate Jenny passed on an email from her friend who was looking for an admin in the Communications Dept of this foundation. That was a Wednesday, I replied to her on Thursday morning and we met for lunch on Friday. I have press room experience from the Smithsonian, and she actually liked my executive experience and wasn't at all put off by it as others seemed to be.

Before the interview, I made sure my potential boss knew I valued myself and my time and I asked in an email before we met if
1) there were room for advancement
2) if I would be making good contacts
3) if I finished my admin stuff could I work on more challenging communication items.

The answer was yes to all three and I believe she enjoyed my enthusiasm. I told her I was starting to boss people around at my volunteer gig, so I was happy to start taking on some responsibility!

I started the following Wednesday. I promise to catch you up. I miss you.

Breaking up is hard to do....

There is something so anonymous about online job hunting, that I really appreciate this rejection I received from Scripps Corporation. The personalized care with which they rejected me, makes me think they understand I created a resume and cover letter exclusively for them. I did, and my reward is a sweet and extremely informal rejection email, that takes a terse and firm twist in the middle - but flattens back out to sweetness in the closure.

If you have been following the blog, you know I vacillate between landing one of my dream jobs, and just landing a job to get a paycheck. I now feel like my creative soul and my corporate one are on some Amazing Race to see who finishes first to land me a paycheck. It's a series of hills and valleys and gut-wretching challenges.

One of my dream jobs would to be to host my own cooking show on the Food Network. My idea is called Pantry Possibilities, but I am available for other shows too. I applied to a few jobs on the Scripps Corporate website, as Scripps owns the Food Network, home to such stars as Rachael Ray, Alton Brown and Bobby Flay, in order to start from the ground up.

I remember this particular job listing was for a type of Production Assistant job (they called it something fancier). I stretched all my culinary skills as far as I could towards the posted job description. I mean - to chop onions for Ina Garten, my real Food Network hero, would be an honor.

Clearly they were thinking about me for a long time as a match for this job, because I submitted an application for "Kitchen Steward" (another fancy title - this one for dish washer) on the same day. For Kitchen Steward, they rejected me straight away, and not nearly as nicely as in this one.

You will notice, in today's rejection email, they use my first name, like we are already friends, and tell me to not take this rejection - done electronically - personally. That is really sweet, but nothing about my interaction with Scripps has been personal. So maybe is it overly sweet, for a company I have only encountered online. But it is a well thought out rejection, and it indeed has a pleasant tone. Proving it is easier to be sweet and firm from a distance.

They thank me for my interest, let me know it has been difficult for them, that we just aren't a good match, and warns me that I am NOT being further considered for this job.

The email is well received by me. I forgot I even applied for this job, and it makes me feel busier then I thought I was. I don't want to be oversensitive with my pride - but I understood the content before I opened it. I understood when I received the email with the subject line "Thank you for your interest". So on that end, I think the "you will not be considered further for this particular opportunity" is a little excessive, but maybe they have had problems getting through to people with their rebuffs in the past.

The personal salution is touching. I mean - read it:

Dear Julie,

Thank you for your interest in employment with Scripps Networks Interactive, and the position of Food Styling Coordinator II; requisition #1353. The selection of candidates requires difficult decisions and at this point it has been determined that your background is not a match for the specific requirements for this position. Accordingly you will not be considered further for this particular opportunity. Please do not consider it a poor reflection on you; rather, it is an indication that another candidate has skills that better fit the role.

We encourage you to periodically review the list of available job opportunities provided on our web site and follow the application process described. Thank you again and best of luck with your career search.

Sincerely,

Scripps Networks Interactive Recruiting Team

I have had less civil break ups with men I have dated. And I am glad they let me know it's them, and not me with the phrase "Please do not consider it a poor reflection on you". I was wondering how I reflected, and now I know, it's not poorly.

At first I thought the Scripps Network Interactive Recruiting Team didn't understand that during the last 2 months of this job search I have had to develop skin thicker than a Biggest Loser contestant. I am directly and indirectly rejected each day. This is the nicest direct rejection I have received so far. And from a place where I haven't even spoke to someone on the phone.

I usually find when I am doing follow up calls, people find the intrusion of personal contact threatening. Everything is pretty in cyberspace, but don't put yourself in front of me. Like the floral designer yesterday, who guarded the hiring managers name at Freytag's Florist like it was a formula to Coke Classic. I wasn't trying to harass him. The job posting said phone calls where okay.

So - this electronic rejection is really sweet. And I am going to let it make my day. I am not going to worry that as a society, people want less and less to do with each other.

Someone at Scripps in HR understands the level of rejection involved in a job search more than I realize, and I appreciate it. He/She is just trying to make the world a kinder, gentler and more civilized place, one rejection email at a time.

That are probably mail merged in some way and sent out a thousand in one shot.

Sweet Home Chicago -- or Austin

Back from my trip to Chicago, and it was good to be home. I saw many friends, took care of errands (like my taxes and a good haircut-thank you Kim) and had some mom-time with Judy, when I could pry her out of the house. The world she recognizes and trusts gets smaller each day.

My mom doesn’t remember where I live, or when I will be back in front of her again, and I honestly don’t know what to tell her, or anyone. I am torn as to where my home actually is. Chicago has much love for me, and is filled with family and friends, but I tire of the high taxes, government corruption, the dreary weather, and its most popular past times of eating and drinking.

I could be traveling in the wrong crowds, because sometimes being rooted in a place too long, lets you be lazy, stop exploring opportunities and while you travel your old, tried and true goat paths. Obviously Chicago has live music, but something about Austin’s scene is so refreshing. People treat the artists with great deference. They have “listening rooms”, not bars. Although it is a bar, with tables, chairs, and an actual bar with drinks, but people become irritated if you are talking too much and not listening to the artist in front of you. Or they are dancing to the music. And you know I LOVE to dance.

Plus, music in Austin is on every corner, literally every coffeeshop, grocery store, record store, even the airport. That rocks. And not only does it rock, but its country , and Swing -type honky tonk, and some punk, all of this and more. And the depth of talent is impressive. My housemate and I heard a guy named Dan Dyer at Central Market North (yes, a supermarket) he would make Shuba's or the Bottom Lounge proud.

In Chicago, The Pritzker Pavilion is a lovely addition to the music scene. It is scenic on the North End of Millenium Park, and the acoustics are perfect. The price is free, so basically unbeatable, but it is an outdoor venue and open for a few months of the year.

Also, most music I hear in Chicago is a back drop to drinking and catching up with friends. Again, maybe I am in the wrong venues in Chicago, or it is what you make of it.

Austin has lots of hiking, and kayaking. It is beautiful here- mostly year round. A real jewel of forest preserves and lakes (that are really the dammed off portions of the Colorado River) in a city struggling to not develop into a metropolis. Its small town charm, plus its urban amenities make it a utopia for many transients.

There seems to be a fight brewing for Austin’s soul or at least its way of life. There are so many new transplants from bigger, urban areas, that there is a bit of backlash against foreigners (people are other states-it is Texas, and they really do think they are their own country), and people who haven’t lived in Austin for over 10 years. It is a snide and ugly face to Austin, that their Southern manners hide well, but I have heard the snickerings. People here are proud to be Texans, there are more State of Texas flags flying then American flags, but those are populous too.

It is a beautiful and livable city. I too would guard it from the strange, city folk who the Austinites believe will destroy their way of life with fancy high rises, increasing rents and jaded rudeness. Attitude is any form is not normally found here.

Already the South By Southwest music and film festival has transformed into a national event, that I noticed many locals just avoiding in parts or altogether this year, because it is too overrun with people now. Better to just see some music the following week, when you don't need to worry about wrist bands, lines and finding a seat.

That is a problem in Chicago. Too many people all trying to do the same things. So many lines, it was a treat to find a place for Sunday brunch where there wasn't a 45 minute wait, or a bar where you could get a drink right away. Using the lakefront made you a defensive runner, biker or rollerblader, because you never knew if someone's kid was going to travel across the bike path chasing a ball.

Chicago’s electricity and energy comes from so many people though, and the natural beauty of Lake Michigan, is undeniable. I remember many Summer mornings walking Baxter down to Oak Street beach early in the morning, and feeling like I was in Florida with the Atlantic Ocean stretched out in front of me as he repeated jumped in to fetch his ball.

Plus Chicago has abundant man-made architectural beauty. The Art Institute, Cultural Center, Millenium Park, UIC-area historic homes, neighborhood bungalows, and all the various skyscrapers serve as a testament to man’s forward progress through the years.

Knowing I can navigate the bustling urban landscape, and have an insider’s eye from years of experience in this fast-paced metropolis makes me feel young, savvy and energetic. I can't help it. It makes me feel competent.

That the gritty students who hop on the Orange line at the Art Institute stop don’t scare me with their loud meanderings and music mean I am not an old fuddy-duddy. Though I will admit, they were annoying and brash. Their adolescent flirting of physically hitting your crush (one guy was i guess "lovingly" kicked in the balls on my trip), and now apparently profanity is quite popular as a term of endearment. Of course as a teen, you do need to act out so loud that everyone can hear you. Even I remember that.

While not a fuddy-duddy, I have become a weary, urban warrior, and I did curse myself a bit for not accepting the two offers I had for a ride to Midway.

So while Austin fights for its way of life amidst of a crowded sea of transplants like myself. I will struggle to find out which landscape I now fit.
The savvy, overcrowded, urban arena of Chicago or the laid back, creative, livability of Austin. I’ll let you know when I find out. I would love it to be both.

Terrified or just plain old Trite

CHINESE PROVERB - Be not afraid of going slowly - only of standing still

I move through my life fine, until I see a movie like 500 Days of Summer, where I am equally moved by it, and thrilled with its depth – while it manages to be light. I am then a bit depressed that I have no productive outlet to create something that resonates with people like that particular piece of art I have just experienced.
Whether it’s a book, a story or some kind of performance – I want to develop things. I want to be responsible and debate plot lines, and characters. I want the thrill you get from creation on your own terms. And I get in a funk after experiencing something that connects with me, because I don’t put myself in a situation to use my imagination.

I have been running from it (my imagination) my entire life. I did make up for a high school music production, because I was too chicken to try out to act. I took photography in high school and applied to a college to major in it, but chickened out – went to a different school and majored in Journalism. I did Second City, but didn’t graduate – I walk towards my goals, and then veer off at the last minute.
Terrified, of success or failure – I don’t know.

For me, moving to Austin and being unemployed is like a living with a big open wound. It keeps getting irritated by the talent around me, and I know it needs treatment, but I don’t seek help. I have access and time for treatment, but I distract myself with other things. I have the time to explore careers, and I have. I have all kinds of plans, and laid out to-do grids and maps on my walls – but I resist acting on them. I moved to a creative place to be creative, and now I let my mind wrestle with why I don’t have a 9-5 job.

God help me. That is the end of my whine. My struggling artist persona has more to do with considering myself an artist than struggling with money. I know only I stand in the way of that. My inability to act on my dreams, while I have this free time and savings tightens my chest and gnaws at my nerves.

Its like a 40-something couple’s biological clock as they keep trying to get pregnant for the first time. It’s not in the forefront of your mind, because you would explode if you put all your hopes and dreams in the forefront of our mind, fulltime. It hangs in the back, leaning on a corner of your mind, smoking and slouching. My fear of my hopes and dreams is male, with dark, greasy hair and wears a white T shirt and black vest. He is waiting for the steps I take each day to call him to action. He hangs there waiting on me. I can feel the pressure. The more I can do, the better his chances for activity, but he knows I am scared, and just bought a new carton of cigarettes.

The Martha Beck book, Finding your North Star, says to accomplish your big goals in little steps, and that has been helpful. Much like the Chinese Proverb I listed at the top (which I have now hung in my rented room as a reminder). Today I will be drafting my letters to radio stations I would like to work, detailing why they should hire me.

It is not all gloom and doom here, and I know I am a hard working, creative, original thinking, opinionated and intelligent woman. I just need to open up to careers I care about, and lose the safety net of administrative or sales jobs unless it can further my creative goals. That is why I am focusing on radio stations today. Wouldn’t it be great to hear my opinions on the air? Talking about P!nk performance from the Grammys, who should’ve gotten kicked off Idol or what this Healthcare bill really means.

Go rent 500 Days of Summer, or my one of my other favorite movies Broadcast News, Funny Girl or TV shows like Nurse Jackie, Six Feet Under, early Law and Order (the Sam Waterson years –but before the blonde ADA) and 30 Rock. All so clever.
There are books too – as I love books. I will save those recommendations for later.

Keep on, keeping on!

Every day I send out two targeted cover letters and resumes. The job search networking group I go to on Fridays, Launch Pad Job Club, says to target each resume and letter to a job specifically. The meetings are helpful, but sometimes hard to be around so many unemployed people in one spot. It's like if you know you are prone to eating crappy food, but want to do better. You should choose to make lunch plans with your friends who eat well, don't plan to eat with the fatties* who wallow in the misery of devouring a whole pizza, after the mozzarella sticks, while debating if dessert is at option. Make better choices.

Anyway, back to sending two targeted resumes a day, I did that in Chicago before I left, and received two job offers, I am hoping to have the same success in Austin. One of the reasons I am in Austin, is because those offers didn't pan out. One was for way too little money, and the other decided to layoff staff instead of hire more.

But I keep on trucking, and am reading Cool Careers for Dummies. They have an interviewing section that helped with yesterday's interview for an Administrative Assistant at Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The interview went well, the Office Manager, Linda already liked me before I came in. She had many interviews that day, and after she seated me, I saw her face light up when she recognized my resume. I almost didn't have to say anything, she acted like she knew me already.

It's not a great fit for me, she mentioned something about keeping the kitchen clean as a job responsibility that left me feeling queasy, but I am open to it, and they are taking 2-3 weeks to figure out their staffing needs. My thank you note, went out yesterday.

The two job hunt lottery winners for today are:
Account Executive - Young & Rubicam Brand
Temp to Hire, Admin Asst through the Temp Agency for an Engineering Firm

Speaking of the lottery, I purchased two chances yesterdays, so I might already be a millionaire. I better go check that...

Ciao!

* I weighed my options (pardon the pun), and "fattie" is the perfect word for what I am trying to convey. I know plenty of people who eat crappy and are rail thin, so please - no need to make the case for that. This is like the N-word for me. A term of endearment (tongue in cheek) if you will. As a fattie, I can use it, and have it not be offensive, but please don't try this at home.

I was not the best receptionist, but I worked it!

I was not the best receptionist yesterday. I did my best, but the morning was a bit of trial and error. There was much multitasking to do, and I always think its funny when a receptionist leaves, and gives you 5 minutes of instruction on how to do her job. She is a full-time professional, and I am sure her job would take more than 5 minutes to explain.

I arrived at 12:30 p.m., and I could see her fingers were fluttering with the anticipation that she will be leaving for her half day off in minutes. In fact, she's leaving exactly after she makes sure I am situated. Irma goes through her “here’s what you do when” presentation, and sweetly asks if I have any questions, while she is looking around the desk for an object that would need a last minute explanation. She has already mentioned the call sheet, the cell phone list, the step by step instructions on how to answer the phone (don’t laugh-these come in handy later).

My anal-retentive mind is running through scenarios, and asking to be allowed to pick up the phone while she is still here, to practice and be corrected immediately. It is ringing, but starts taking the calls.

I ask questions on what I can anticipate, but there are no real questions now. The questions come later when you are doing the tasks solo, and realize your brain thinks the procedure would be one way, and her well-prepared instruction sheet details, another way. And her way is always gonna be right, and she is the full-time professional. She has the whole thing set up as she, and her boss, likes it.

I am left to sink or swim, and the only big flub of the day was for the first hour I was not hitting “transfer”, after I answered the call. The “hold” button made more sense to me, and in the rush, with three calls or so coming in at once, you have got to go with your gut. I see now how hitting transfer can eliminate steps, and am glad I reread Irma’s instructions. I mean that telephone system she has is very clever. Sorry Beverly for hanging up on your twice, and for calling back each time.

Normally – when I can’t do something perfect, I become very frustrated, and a pre-Entrees By You Julie would have been traumatized by not doing things exactly right from the start. But the last few years of running Entrees By You, have softened that hard and sharp edge I had, making my black and white mind a collage in shades of gray. I let go of the expectation that I needed to fully understanding someone’s job in 5 minutes, it’s unrealistic.

Your true intelligence is measured by your ability to adapt to a situation quickly once you understand it, not trying to read everything in an attempt to guess a hundred and twelve ways for the situation to go so you can be prepared. I do this all the time, and I call it "strategic thinking" on my resume!

God, that is how I spent the decade of my life I now call my 30s! Thinking strategically - about EVERYTHING. It is paralyzing, and just typing this is therapeutic, so thanks for hanging in there with me, but Jesus – it is a whole metaphor for my current life and how Entrees By You and working with Amy have changed my perspective. But that is pretty deep, and we can dive into that later.

So everything did make sense when Irma left. And then she gave me her cell phone number, but I poo-poo that. I can’t imagine what would possess me to call someone I am temping for on their cell phone DURING their afternoon off. It would take a Jack Bauer situation, where the whole building will explode if I don’t get the passcode from Irma’s desk top, in order to undetonated (sorry, if this isn’t a word) the bomb. Saving us all!

Irma’s work is ebb and flow. There is some quiet time, and she showed me how to surf the internet (again, everyone operates like you have 2 brain cells, of course I know how to use the internet from a desk top computer, as so 1st graders, but I thought it was nice of her to take time to mention it when she was fighting a full borne sprint to the front door). After she left, in the calm, I picked up my copy of At Work, the aptly titled Annie Leibowitz memoir I had checked out at the library. And more frequently then not the calls, visitors, questions and deliveries converged on Irma’s desk like a perfect storm, and I navigated through them.

I enjoyed how busy her desk is, and how I got to greet people and provide a friendly face. The prospective students, and their parents were nervous for these would be initial college interviews. It is rewarding to see them smile back, like they are relieved someone thinks they belong there at the school of the Art Institute of Austin. Being helpful is a definite on my list of characteristics of my perfect job.