Interviewing for a job you don't know you want.

So I made it to the final round of the Executive Assistant interviews, and the cookies represent the adorable "thank yous" I left for all fifteen people I had to have the final round of interviews with. Yes - 1 - 5! Fifteen.

There was the culture"" interview with people the HR recruiter assumed I didn't know although I did, so I could talk about what I like to do in my off time (which leads me to another post about where companies are going with this nonsense).

The "cross functional" interview with people in different departments that work heavily with the two gentlemen I would be supporting. This was the most informational interview for me. I went into all the interviews with the intent to discover as much information as I could about whether the job would be a good fit for me. In this interview I was able to find out more about how my bosses really work and interact with people in ways I don't think they could explain about themselves.

And on the topic of explaining, I must admit, this is a job I am not sure I want or is a good fit for me. I could do it well, but I am worried about it slowly killing my drive. As mentioned in the previous post. The paycheck and security is appealing.

So I had to figure out "How do I interview for a job I don't know I want?" And the answer for me, very openly. It was the best interview I have ever done. I was honest. I have been so trained to find the answer I believe the interviewer is looking for - I tend to not really answer the question for myself.

And I think that is one of the reasons I end up with careers and jobs I do well at, but leave me with a nagging sense of missed opportunities and the sands of time ticking away on me. No Joy - no fullfillment.

I am a good interviewer, and end up being selected based on answers that don't ring true to me. DONE with that. This interview was liberating.

In the 30 minutes with the "People and Organization Development" team, when I was asked if my current job in Communications would be open and this Executive Assistant job - which would I prefer? I answered my current job. It was funny the way Amber, who has been with HR at the foundation for four years was asking me the same question three different ways.

And not in a please we want you to answer it is a way, so we can hire you - I got the vibe early on that HR did NOT want me for this gig, so I was surprised - even though I had executive support experience - that I made it to the final round. No Amber was asking it like she was the smartest person in the room with her clever interviewing techiniques, and several times interrupted the interview to make "funny" asides and inside jokes with the VP of People and Organizational Development.

So I answered in several times that I would always want my current job. And I told them I am up for a 9-5 schedule, but not to be drilled at all hours to set up calendars and take calls from the executives.

I made it professional, and was extremely prepared for the interviews. I discussed how I would effectively organize these two executives and that I did want the job because I was looking for stability and a place to develop roots. So I gave it my all and was truly honest. I don't think I could have done better for me.

So I handed out by "thank you" cookies and will see what comes of this job. I rest assured though, that I gave it my all.

Here are two other jobs I just applied for this week:
Manager Corporate Partnerships - Feeding America
Business Development Manager - Demand Studios

and it will take a lot of work...

I am at an impasse here in Austin. Sounds trite, but these next few career decisions will help shape my fate. And I want the fortitude to choose the path I believe I was meant for in the long run. While I am unconventional – I cling to a very hum drum conventional life. Currently I am waiting to see if the foundation I am at will hire me at an Executive Asst. I know - I never would have guessed that either. That organizing other people would be a career path for me. I barely keep myself together. It just seems safe. There is a fearfulness attached to my seeking joy, that I don’t truly understand.

(WARNING - this next paragraph contains some deep introspective thinking developed with a mature audience in mind) I think about it often, and it has something to do with achieving joy and then having it taken away from me. How to live with that type of scar or wound. Your in love and it falls apart, and then you life with the best part of your life behind you! Ouch. Although this holding pattern of a life I have planned has started to irritate me.

As I turned 40 this year, this avoidance is beginning to develop buds of “what if” on my tree of life. What if I would have gone to college for Photography, what if I let myself lose this weigh to be the best person I can be, what if I let my mind decide what my life’s goal really is and work towards that, instead of these difficult challenges I keep putting in my own way (ie selling telcom networks, starting a business from the ground up, becoming a Executive Asst). They are meaningful distractions to my own life's work.

I just am slowly realizing that the sands of time are not waiting patiently for me to figure out what to do with myself! And I wonder when AM I going to get onto this life I dream about.

Shouldn’t I be like the Avett Brothers say and “Decide what you want to be and go be it”. Why is that thought so chilling for me.

My counter argument to the "follow my bliss" path is that with a stable job that brings in good pay, I could start to pay down my debt, and train for my next career phase. I could be training for that change while still bringing in a pay check, so that is admirable. Right>?!

I don't know. I will fill you in as I navigate this tempest storm of thought! Because really - it is weighing on way. Make a decision already and move forward.

20 hours to hell

Here's a pic of my and Nichole before heading out to the Renegade Craft Fair!

I loved my visit to Chicago. Memphis the "layover" in the inbound trip was beautiful, and Calvin and I had a great time. I didn't realize how nice it would be a share a trip with someone. I am so used to doing things on my own. But it was great. We saw Beale Street, walked by the Mississippi, went to the memorial where MLK was shot - Lorraine Hotel and listened to a bit of the Roots and Blues Fest before heading North.

During my week in Chicago, I saw family and many friends in a low key week of relaxation with Baxter. Just what the doctor ordered for me to get ready and make things happen for me once I returned to Austin.

But before I could be productive in Texas, I had to get back here. And I choose the fastest way possible. Twenty hours of driving straight through. How hard could it be? I like to drive, to think and listen to audio CDs, and my friends Amy and Annette were kind enough to stock pile me with plenty of NPR cds: "This American Life", "Driveway Stories" and my favorite "Hidden Kitchens".

I set the alarm for 5 a.m. Monday morning, and plan to arrive in Austin at 1 a.m. But - as we all know - things don't always go as planned.

Chillin' in austin

Thank you. Thank you. Most glorious temperature gods for letting me welcome back my old friends threadbare* blue scarf and lime green hoodie. These fiesta-ware colored friends have been hiding in the closet until the temps lowered enough, and it was safe for them to come out. Oh joyous 68 degree Texas morning!!! I love you.

*threadbare- in this context the thin, transparency of the scarf makes it stylish-but threadbare for furniture - still worn out and old

Job Search in full swing

My job search is back in full swing, since my current gig as a Communications Coordinator ends August 31st. I look forward to heading to Chicago for a week or so of vacation, to return to one of the jobs currently in play in my search.

I am working a Title Manager position at Demand Media
Executive Assistant at LIVESTRONG
Creative Assistant at American Cancer Society
Publications Associate at University of Texas

So many different directions to go in during a job search. I am trying to keep my best networking foot forward, while I pursue my dream of writing, layout and design and photography.

To that extend, I need to follow up with the Milkshake Media and Austin American Statesman jobs I applied for two weeks ago.

There are so many more jobs out now than when I was looking back in April, so this is a good thing!!

The podcast is coming along too.

thinking versus doing

I am back on the hunt again. The job hunt. My current gig as Communications Coordinator is ending on August 31st. I had hoped when I took the role it would lead to a permanent position at the foundation, but due to budget constraints, that does not seem possible. The good news is that I believe I am a leg up from my previous stint as a job seeker, getting more experience in a field I was interested in and two new references with connections. Both the deputy Director of Communications and the Director are happy to spread the word about my goodness wherever I need an extra boost.

Now my focus needs to be on where I need the boost. I applied for this Account Services Director job last week, and followed up with a voice mail to Linda Powers in HR at Charity Dynamics. Let’s see what that will yield.

The truth is - I need to figure out my goals, and I know I am underemployed here and I am looking for a new role that is more about acting then reacting and more thinking and strategizing then the logistics of doing. At work here I find the doers are the ones made to keep the thinkers on track and organized. On track and organized with travel arrangements and meeting schedules, ordering coffee, drafting correspondence and such. I could have a long career doing things well. Many people making solid livings doing, waitresses, truckers, programmers, executive assistants, and such. They put into action the requests of others. I am a happy doer, and it is so easy. I have decided I would rather be thinking. My mourning period for Entrees By You is over, and the last few months of organizing and taking directions and exceeding expectations have helped me through the transition. Last year at this time, I was thinking sooo much, for so long as a small business owner. And then one day – I was an unemployed, former small business owner. The loss of the business, and our unfulfilled dreams will always sting, but my brain is ready for more challenging work.

Roasting and blisters - a terrible way to die

As a yankee in these Southern parts, I can't get used to how powerful the sun is here. I understand it logically - it's the Southern hemisphere and all - and I hear the weatherman say it will be 95 degrees. But what doesn't register is how - 95 degrees here in Austin is different then 95 degrees in Chicago.

I don't know how - but it is. I also don't know how I was lured outside today for an hour long, lunchtime stroll by my imaginary "sun sirens". They speak to me as I sit literally chilling with a scarf wrapped around me in my air-conditioned cube, mentally spent from shuffling around papers and "coordinating communication".

They know I still cling to the Chicago mentality that drives a person outside at the sight of any sunny and warm looking day to relish in the full glory the Northern summer season. And from the window today - it did look bright and sunny.

But it was a trick. The type of trick that is the polar opposite effect of what happens on a bright and sunny Northern winter day. When the thermometer reads 20 degrees and the snow sirens call you outside, because you can't believe that is accruate. The first minute is pleasant, but then your neck tenses from the chill and your eyes water from the cold while your nose immediately runs like a faucet. That sucks. But it doesn't scare me - like my heat exposure did today.

I decided to unwrap my scarf and take a quick walk to the library about a mile away. It was pleasant for about 2 minutes and then I felt like I was trapped in an oven. But I was determined to make my lunch productive and return the five DVDs I borrowed, so I opened my umbrella to shield the sun and continued my trek.

Three quarters of the way there the first trickle of sweat run down my back, and I could feel my hair lift up towards the sky in frizzy waves. I made it to the library, but in Austin the library is full of wackos, and I don't mean homeless people - just demanding, crazy people who look conventional, until they speak.

Anyway - the wackos in the check out line at the library made me want to leave, so I drank some water and trotted out of there like I had just been given fresh horses. That lasted 2 blocks. I had 10 more to go. The bus never came for me, so by the time I arrived back at work I had blisters from wearing non-sensible shoes, a head of hair so delicate one touch would release the river of sweat damned up by the make shift "curls" that took shape as my hair started to frizz (that is when I know I am overheated - my head sweats and not just at my temples) my shirt was damp and my face was red. Tomato red.

I literally almost roasted myself today because some silly voices whispered to me how good the sun would feel on my skin. Next time I will know better.