Interviewing for a job you don't know you want.

So I made it to the final round of the Executive Assistant interviews, and the cookies represent the adorable "thank yous" I left for all fifteen people I had to have the final round of interviews with. Yes - 1 - 5! Fifteen.

There was the culture"" interview with people the HR recruiter assumed I didn't know although I did, so I could talk about what I like to do in my off time (which leads me to another post about where companies are going with this nonsense).

The "cross functional" interview with people in different departments that work heavily with the two gentlemen I would be supporting. This was the most informational interview for me. I went into all the interviews with the intent to discover as much information as I could about whether the job would be a good fit for me. In this interview I was able to find out more about how my bosses really work and interact with people in ways I don't think they could explain about themselves.

And on the topic of explaining, I must admit, this is a job I am not sure I want or is a good fit for me. I could do it well, but I am worried about it slowly killing my drive. As mentioned in the previous post. The paycheck and security is appealing.

So I had to figure out "How do I interview for a job I don't know I want?" And the answer for me, very openly. It was the best interview I have ever done. I was honest. I have been so trained to find the answer I believe the interviewer is looking for - I tend to not really answer the question for myself.

And I think that is one of the reasons I end up with careers and jobs I do well at, but leave me with a nagging sense of missed opportunities and the sands of time ticking away on me. No Joy - no fullfillment.

I am a good interviewer, and end up being selected based on answers that don't ring true to me. DONE with that. This interview was liberating.

In the 30 minutes with the "People and Organization Development" team, when I was asked if my current job in Communications would be open and this Executive Assistant job - which would I prefer? I answered my current job. It was funny the way Amber, who has been with HR at the foundation for four years was asking me the same question three different ways.

And not in a please we want you to answer it is a way, so we can hire you - I got the vibe early on that HR did NOT want me for this gig, so I was surprised - even though I had executive support experience - that I made it to the final round. No Amber was asking it like she was the smartest person in the room with her clever interviewing techiniques, and several times interrupted the interview to make "funny" asides and inside jokes with the VP of People and Organizational Development.

So I answered in several times that I would always want my current job. And I told them I am up for a 9-5 schedule, but not to be drilled at all hours to set up calendars and take calls from the executives.

I made it professional, and was extremely prepared for the interviews. I discussed how I would effectively organize these two executives and that I did want the job because I was looking for stability and a place to develop roots. So I gave it my all and was truly honest. I don't think I could have done better for me.

So I handed out by "thank you" cookies and will see what comes of this job. I rest assured though, that I gave it my all.

Here are two other jobs I just applied for this week:
Manager Corporate Partnerships - Feeding America
Business Development Manager - Demand Studios

and it will take a lot of work...

I am at an impasse here in Austin. Sounds trite, but these next few career decisions will help shape my fate. And I want the fortitude to choose the path I believe I was meant for in the long run. While I am unconventional – I cling to a very hum drum conventional life. Currently I am waiting to see if the foundation I am at will hire me at an Executive Asst. I know - I never would have guessed that either. That organizing other people would be a career path for me. I barely keep myself together. It just seems safe. There is a fearfulness attached to my seeking joy, that I don’t truly understand.

(WARNING - this next paragraph contains some deep introspective thinking developed with a mature audience in mind) I think about it often, and it has something to do with achieving joy and then having it taken away from me. How to live with that type of scar or wound. Your in love and it falls apart, and then you life with the best part of your life behind you! Ouch. Although this holding pattern of a life I have planned has started to irritate me.

As I turned 40 this year, this avoidance is beginning to develop buds of “what if” on my tree of life. What if I would have gone to college for Photography, what if I let myself lose this weigh to be the best person I can be, what if I let my mind decide what my life’s goal really is and work towards that, instead of these difficult challenges I keep putting in my own way (ie selling telcom networks, starting a business from the ground up, becoming a Executive Asst). They are meaningful distractions to my own life's work.

I just am slowly realizing that the sands of time are not waiting patiently for me to figure out what to do with myself! And I wonder when AM I going to get onto this life I dream about.

Shouldn’t I be like the Avett Brothers say and “Decide what you want to be and go be it”. Why is that thought so chilling for me.

My counter argument to the "follow my bliss" path is that with a stable job that brings in good pay, I could start to pay down my debt, and train for my next career phase. I could be training for that change while still bringing in a pay check, so that is admirable. Right>?!

I don't know. I will fill you in as I navigate this tempest storm of thought! Because really - it is weighing on way. Make a decision already and move forward.