I am at an impasse here in Austin. Sounds trite, but these next few career decisions will help shape my fate. And I want the fortitude to choose the path I believe I was meant for in the long run. While I am unconventional – I cling to a very hum drum conventional life. Currently I am waiting to see if the foundation I am at will hire me at an Executive Asst. I know - I never would have guessed that either. That organizing other people would be a career path for me. I barely keep myself together. It just seems safe. There is a fearfulness attached to my seeking joy, that I don’t truly understand.
(WARNING - this next paragraph contains some deep introspective thinking developed with a mature audience in mind) I think about it often, and it has something to do with achieving joy and then having it taken away from me. How to live with that type of scar or wound. Your in love and it falls apart, and then you life with the best part of your life behind you! Ouch. Although this holding pattern of a life I have planned has started to irritate me.
As I turned 40 this year, this avoidance is beginning to develop buds of “what if” on my tree of life. What if I would have gone to college for Photography, what if I let myself lose this weigh to be the best person I can be, what if I let my mind decide what my life’s goal really is and work towards that, instead of these difficult challenges I keep putting in my own way (ie selling telcom networks, starting a business from the ground up, becoming a Executive Asst). They are meaningful distractions to my own life's work.
I just am slowly realizing that the sands of time are not waiting patiently for me to figure out what to do with myself! And I wonder when AM I going to get onto this life I dream about.
Shouldn’t I be like the Avett Brothers say and “Decide what you want to be and go be it”. Why is that thought so chilling for me.
My counter argument to the "follow my bliss" path is that with a stable job that brings in good pay, I could start to pay down my debt, and train for my next career phase. I could be training for that change while still bringing in a pay check, so that is admirable. Right>?!
I don't know. I will fill you in as I navigate this tempest storm of thought! Because really - it is weighing on way. Make a decision already and move forward.
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