Foundation christmas party tonight

I'm just tired though. Finally got to sit down after getting home from work and it's already 7 pm.
It's a full effort to pick myself up off the couch, shower and drive downtown to arrive lone at the party.

Anchors away. Although a tombstone pizza and some reality tv always sounds good to me on Friday.

The long and winding road leads to...

As soon as I decided to call Austin home, the place slipped away from me. I was hesitant to name it in the first place, as my situation seemed surreal. It is teaching me a lesson in grabbing what you want; it might not be there tomorrow.

One day last August, I am managing our business at the train station and the next I am sweeping a vacant storefront full of dust bunnies. A storefront left empty when our landlords cleared the 543 square feet of our equipment and inventory. They thought that would be the best way to procure their past due rent.

The resulting lawsuit between our two parties held most of my Fall days hostage. Then, before I knew it, I was settled and sipping coffee in Jenny’s backyard on a balmy 60 degree day in December. I really thought I had found my shangri la, but I didn't do anything to make it permanent.

And now time is pressing on me, as my contract expires at the Foundation in December, and I haven’t had much luck securing other work here in Austin. That means I need to expand my job search to incorporate Chicago as well. I am ambivalent about it, since Chicago and I didn’t leave on such good terms. Chicago and I have a relationship like an old married couple who get sick of each other and require a break. It's usually once every ten years.

If needed, I hope we can reconcile. The last time I was in Chicago, things had changed. I noticed I didn’t fit in like I used to. The people seemed more up tight and aggressive then I remember. In Austin, I became accustomed to walking into a restaurant for brunch and being able to find a seat immediately, a 20-minute commute to work and basically a slower pace of life.

Chicago has my friends and family and familiarity. I would look forward to that recognition. That is something I am missing here.

Austin has gotten me a few steps closer to the shiny self I used to be, but Chicago will always be home. My goal, where ever I end up is to find my shiny self. I will be opening up my fate to both cities and we can see who comes out on top.

Sorry - you are not a fit.

Okay, so I didn’t get the "tide me over and give me some stability" job at the Foundation. They hired a paralegal with non-profit experience. It is a good thing for them, and I feel like I dodged a bullet.

If I am supposed to be searching out my ideal career and taking chances on finding my life’s work – because I never did it during college or high school. The admin job isn't it. No offense to admin jobs, I have done many. I just think it would slowly kill me inside to organize and structure things for other people all day, when I wanted to accomplish things myself.

Learning from Jenny has bePutting myself first is a lesson, and being an Executive Asst has nothing to do with that. So I move forward with my baby steps towards jobs in writing, photography or radio.

Here is the one I applied for today. Yep, it's in Chicago.

PR Associate

First Fall-like day here in Texas

Finally, a chill in the air on this fall election day. I warmed myself up with some chicken vegetable soup, homemade of course - in a sandra lee semi-homemade kind of way. Its just a little olive oil, saute some chopped onions, celery and carrots (not baby carrots) then add your favorite chicken broth and simmer three minutes too long and the veggies will get mushy. You want them to have a bit of a bite! Then top it with fresh parsley at the end and toasted, crusty bread.

Yum. I love fall. And now I can enjoy it more the campaign ads disappearing for a while.

Interviewing for a job you don't know you want.

So I made it to the final round of the Executive Assistant interviews, and the cookies represent the adorable "thank yous" I left for all fifteen people I had to have the final round of interviews with. Yes - 1 - 5! Fifteen.

There was the culture"" interview with people the HR recruiter assumed I didn't know although I did, so I could talk about what I like to do in my off time (which leads me to another post about where companies are going with this nonsense).

The "cross functional" interview with people in different departments that work heavily with the two gentlemen I would be supporting. This was the most informational interview for me. I went into all the interviews with the intent to discover as much information as I could about whether the job would be a good fit for me. In this interview I was able to find out more about how my bosses really work and interact with people in ways I don't think they could explain about themselves.

And on the topic of explaining, I must admit, this is a job I am not sure I want or is a good fit for me. I could do it well, but I am worried about it slowly killing my drive. As mentioned in the previous post. The paycheck and security is appealing.

So I had to figure out "How do I interview for a job I don't know I want?" And the answer for me, very openly. It was the best interview I have ever done. I was honest. I have been so trained to find the answer I believe the interviewer is looking for - I tend to not really answer the question for myself.

And I think that is one of the reasons I end up with careers and jobs I do well at, but leave me with a nagging sense of missed opportunities and the sands of time ticking away on me. No Joy - no fullfillment.

I am a good interviewer, and end up being selected based on answers that don't ring true to me. DONE with that. This interview was liberating.

In the 30 minutes with the "People and Organization Development" team, when I was asked if my current job in Communications would be open and this Executive Assistant job - which would I prefer? I answered my current job. It was funny the way Amber, who has been with HR at the foundation for four years was asking me the same question three different ways.

And not in a please we want you to answer it is a way, so we can hire you - I got the vibe early on that HR did NOT want me for this gig, so I was surprised - even though I had executive support experience - that I made it to the final round. No Amber was asking it like she was the smartest person in the room with her clever interviewing techiniques, and several times interrupted the interview to make "funny" asides and inside jokes with the VP of People and Organizational Development.

So I answered in several times that I would always want my current job. And I told them I am up for a 9-5 schedule, but not to be drilled at all hours to set up calendars and take calls from the executives.

I made it professional, and was extremely prepared for the interviews. I discussed how I would effectively organize these two executives and that I did want the job because I was looking for stability and a place to develop roots. So I gave it my all and was truly honest. I don't think I could have done better for me.

So I handed out by "thank you" cookies and will see what comes of this job. I rest assured though, that I gave it my all.

Here are two other jobs I just applied for this week:
Manager Corporate Partnerships - Feeding America
Business Development Manager - Demand Studios

and it will take a lot of work...

I am at an impasse here in Austin. Sounds trite, but these next few career decisions will help shape my fate. And I want the fortitude to choose the path I believe I was meant for in the long run. While I am unconventional – I cling to a very hum drum conventional life. Currently I am waiting to see if the foundation I am at will hire me at an Executive Asst. I know - I never would have guessed that either. That organizing other people would be a career path for me. I barely keep myself together. It just seems safe. There is a fearfulness attached to my seeking joy, that I don’t truly understand.

(WARNING - this next paragraph contains some deep introspective thinking developed with a mature audience in mind) I think about it often, and it has something to do with achieving joy and then having it taken away from me. How to live with that type of scar or wound. Your in love and it falls apart, and then you life with the best part of your life behind you! Ouch. Although this holding pattern of a life I have planned has started to irritate me.

As I turned 40 this year, this avoidance is beginning to develop buds of “what if” on my tree of life. What if I would have gone to college for Photography, what if I let myself lose this weigh to be the best person I can be, what if I let my mind decide what my life’s goal really is and work towards that, instead of these difficult challenges I keep putting in my own way (ie selling telcom networks, starting a business from the ground up, becoming a Executive Asst). They are meaningful distractions to my own life's work.

I just am slowly realizing that the sands of time are not waiting patiently for me to figure out what to do with myself! And I wonder when AM I going to get onto this life I dream about.

Shouldn’t I be like the Avett Brothers say and “Decide what you want to be and go be it”. Why is that thought so chilling for me.

My counter argument to the "follow my bliss" path is that with a stable job that brings in good pay, I could start to pay down my debt, and train for my next career phase. I could be training for that change while still bringing in a pay check, so that is admirable. Right>?!

I don't know. I will fill you in as I navigate this tempest storm of thought! Because really - it is weighing on way. Make a decision already and move forward.

20 hours to hell

Here's a pic of my and Nichole before heading out to the Renegade Craft Fair!

I loved my visit to Chicago. Memphis the "layover" in the inbound trip was beautiful, and Calvin and I had a great time. I didn't realize how nice it would be a share a trip with someone. I am so used to doing things on my own. But it was great. We saw Beale Street, walked by the Mississippi, went to the memorial where MLK was shot - Lorraine Hotel and listened to a bit of the Roots and Blues Fest before heading North.

During my week in Chicago, I saw family and many friends in a low key week of relaxation with Baxter. Just what the doctor ordered for me to get ready and make things happen for me once I returned to Austin.

But before I could be productive in Texas, I had to get back here. And I choose the fastest way possible. Twenty hours of driving straight through. How hard could it be? I like to drive, to think and listen to audio CDs, and my friends Amy and Annette were kind enough to stock pile me with plenty of NPR cds: "This American Life", "Driveway Stories" and my favorite "Hidden Kitchens".

I set the alarm for 5 a.m. Monday morning, and plan to arrive in Austin at 1 a.m. But - as we all know - things don't always go as planned.

Chillin' in austin

Thank you. Thank you. Most glorious temperature gods for letting me welcome back my old friends threadbare* blue scarf and lime green hoodie. These fiesta-ware colored friends have been hiding in the closet until the temps lowered enough, and it was safe for them to come out. Oh joyous 68 degree Texas morning!!! I love you.

*threadbare- in this context the thin, transparency of the scarf makes it stylish-but threadbare for furniture - still worn out and old

Job Search in full swing

My job search is back in full swing, since my current gig as a Communications Coordinator ends August 31st. I look forward to heading to Chicago for a week or so of vacation, to return to one of the jobs currently in play in my search.

I am working a Title Manager position at Demand Media
Executive Assistant at LIVESTRONG
Creative Assistant at American Cancer Society
Publications Associate at University of Texas

So many different directions to go in during a job search. I am trying to keep my best networking foot forward, while I pursue my dream of writing, layout and design and photography.

To that extend, I need to follow up with the Milkshake Media and Austin American Statesman jobs I applied for two weeks ago.

There are so many more jobs out now than when I was looking back in April, so this is a good thing!!

The podcast is coming along too.

thinking versus doing

I am back on the hunt again. The job hunt. My current gig as Communications Coordinator is ending on August 31st. I had hoped when I took the role it would lead to a permanent position at the foundation, but due to budget constraints, that does not seem possible. The good news is that I believe I am a leg up from my previous stint as a job seeker, getting more experience in a field I was interested in and two new references with connections. Both the deputy Director of Communications and the Director are happy to spread the word about my goodness wherever I need an extra boost.

Now my focus needs to be on where I need the boost. I applied for this Account Services Director job last week, and followed up with a voice mail to Linda Powers in HR at Charity Dynamics. Let’s see what that will yield.

The truth is - I need to figure out my goals, and I know I am underemployed here and I am looking for a new role that is more about acting then reacting and more thinking and strategizing then the logistics of doing. At work here I find the doers are the ones made to keep the thinkers on track and organized. On track and organized with travel arrangements and meeting schedules, ordering coffee, drafting correspondence and such. I could have a long career doing things well. Many people making solid livings doing, waitresses, truckers, programmers, executive assistants, and such. They put into action the requests of others. I am a happy doer, and it is so easy. I have decided I would rather be thinking. My mourning period for Entrees By You is over, and the last few months of organizing and taking directions and exceeding expectations have helped me through the transition. Last year at this time, I was thinking sooo much, for so long as a small business owner. And then one day – I was an unemployed, former small business owner. The loss of the business, and our unfulfilled dreams will always sting, but my brain is ready for more challenging work.

Roasting and blisters - a terrible way to die

As a yankee in these Southern parts, I can't get used to how powerful the sun is here. I understand it logically - it's the Southern hemisphere and all - and I hear the weatherman say it will be 95 degrees. But what doesn't register is how - 95 degrees here in Austin is different then 95 degrees in Chicago.

I don't know how - but it is. I also don't know how I was lured outside today for an hour long, lunchtime stroll by my imaginary "sun sirens". They speak to me as I sit literally chilling with a scarf wrapped around me in my air-conditioned cube, mentally spent from shuffling around papers and "coordinating communication".

They know I still cling to the Chicago mentality that drives a person outside at the sight of any sunny and warm looking day to relish in the full glory the Northern summer season. And from the window today - it did look bright and sunny.

But it was a trick. The type of trick that is the polar opposite effect of what happens on a bright and sunny Northern winter day. When the thermometer reads 20 degrees and the snow sirens call you outside, because you can't believe that is accruate. The first minute is pleasant, but then your neck tenses from the chill and your eyes water from the cold while your nose immediately runs like a faucet. That sucks. But it doesn't scare me - like my heat exposure did today.

I decided to unwrap my scarf and take a quick walk to the library about a mile away. It was pleasant for about 2 minutes and then I felt like I was trapped in an oven. But I was determined to make my lunch productive and return the five DVDs I borrowed, so I opened my umbrella to shield the sun and continued my trek.

Three quarters of the way there the first trickle of sweat run down my back, and I could feel my hair lift up towards the sky in frizzy waves. I made it to the library, but in Austin the library is full of wackos, and I don't mean homeless people - just demanding, crazy people who look conventional, until they speak.

Anyway - the wackos in the check out line at the library made me want to leave, so I drank some water and trotted out of there like I had just been given fresh horses. That lasted 2 blocks. I had 10 more to go. The bus never came for me, so by the time I arrived back at work I had blisters from wearing non-sensible shoes, a head of hair so delicate one touch would release the river of sweat damned up by the make shift "curls" that took shape as my hair started to frizz (that is when I know I am overheated - my head sweats and not just at my temples) my shirt was damp and my face was red. Tomato red.

I literally almost roasted myself today because some silly voices whispered to me how good the sun would feel on my skin. Next time I will know better.

Cleaniness is next to procrastination

Here is my clean room! I distracted myself from my writing time this morning by cleaning and reorganizing the room after finding a used night stand at a yard sale down my street. Thank you universe! Now my room is clean and feels much larger without the bulky, coffee table Jenny lent me in a pinch as a make-shift night stand. Now I have my own. A room of my own and my own $10 night stand.

I plan to reenter the work force soon as an adult, with adult responsibilities and a big girl pay check. Until then - I am super stoked about solving my space and storage problem conveniently for $10.

I added a close up - so you could see the what a quality bargain I got.

Rainy days, Mondays and ...

holidays in a different cities then my family and friends, always bring me down. Cue the Carpenters. I miss you guys.

Looking forward to this work week ending, and I have to do some pretty serious thinking about where I will be searching for my next job. Sometimes, that is the worst part of your next phase - choosing the your path or destination.

Coincidentally - yesterday, in the waiting area of the chiropracter's office I picked up the original Chicken Soup for the Soul as I sat before my appointment. There was a story about a Girl Scout who was being raised by a single mom, and all she wanted to win was the trip around the world for her mom by being the Scout who sold the most cookies that year. (It's been a long time - but I think our prizes were either a Light Brite or a Barbie Dream House) - really a trip around the world - very glamourous.

Anyway - the moral in that Chicken Soup story was the girl went out each day, dressed for success in her uniform and asked for the sales, she called them investments, each day until she won what she coveted.

So now I need to decide what I want, be honest about it and not chicken away from asking for help to get it. But first - decide what I want. Humm...
Ideas are reporter/photographer
Radio show host
Pantry possibilities host

I like people, helping people and finding out about them. So this is what I want to work that into the career. And I am remembering the feeling you get when you dapple in something that is your "true calling" per Martha Beck in Finding your Own North Star:Claiming the Life you were Meant to Live. Love that book and her.

How to not introduce yourself at your first team meeting…

Apparently, once a month at the foundation where I work in Austin, the whole 85-person team gets together for a team meeting to touch base about organizational goals, news and introductions. I am not too good on the fly, and was still feeling insecure about the fact that my boss told me I have to be labeled a volunteer and not a contract person, because of some all day budget meeting she was in the previous bad. So basically – no one is supposed to know I get paid.

So the drill is - I just work there 40 hours a week for free – as far as the 83 other people who are not my boss, or my boss’ boss know. It’s not what I interviewed for, and as she sprung this on me – she assured me it would get straightened out in a few weeks. But “that was then and this is now” (yes – through back reference to S.E. Hinton’s classic teenage novel) and basically I am trying to pick my battles here. Sometimes it is hard enough to slow my boss down to extract ALL the information I need for her requests without a sneer. I will weigh the benefits of nagging her about my public title as this role unfolds.
So – I am startled at my need to introduce myself, and I stumble and am insecure. Instead of taking the time to tell these professionals who can further my career opportunities anything interesting like:
• I am happy to help out in the press room, because I worked in the press office at the Smithsonian and enjoyed it
• I was a Central Region Operations manager for AT&T and am strategic
• I owned my own business for four years

I just plow through the standard bullshit the intern before said about where she was from and that she was new to Austin. Mine introduction went like this, “Hi, my name is Julie and I just relocated from Chicago and will be helping Rae and Katherine in the Communications department (thinking “sit down and let it be over”)

I need to take these situations and PUT ME FIRST! To start thinking about how talented I am and how lucky these people are to know me. I am not trying to oversell myself, just catch up. Now they will have to learn the slow and hard way – by me telling them one person at a time. And I will do it.

So basically – I need to be more strategic about the brand that is ME! First mistake made. Whew! Glad I don’t need to worry about when that will happen anymore.

And I have a job, and some stability and a pay check! So that is awesome. Yeah. Me.

The Heat is ON!

So here is Baxter chilling on my bed, after a walk that was cut short due to fatigue. Of course he is adorable and smiling, but his mouth is open because he is a panting monster on the verge of overheating after our 5 block walk to Thunderbird Café. And the walk is downhill.

Austin has a surprising number of hills. I guess because I am from Chicago, I think anywhere I travel or live will be flat until I see it is not. They actually have “Hill Country” to the West of here – not too far and people to camp there. It is supposed to be scenic.

But the heat is on my mind now, because – it is hot enough were you need to take it into account with your plans. Ie – we could go to Scholz Beer Garden, but it is still 90 degrees and we would sweat our asses off and be baked alive or its sooo hot today – maybe we should see a movie. Like the frigid temps in Chicago, people in Austin include mother nature in their plans like an annoying Great Aunt whose needs you need to work around so you can get your fun on.

I really have got to get used to this heat. It’s suffocating. You can tell from the photo Baxter is shorn short. This is my fourth attempt, and finally I am getting the groove. (Thank you for the grooming tip Amy!)

Baxter is sporting a butch-cut and it is still too crazy hot for him to walk more than 5 blocks without panting and stopping to drop frog-legged and chest down in the bushy grass under a tree. Usually it is my favorite pose of his that signals he is exhausted from playing outside and chasing the ball. But after only 10 minutes outside in Austin, you can see why I would be hurrying him home after this respite. It is 90 degrees this Friday night at 8:15 p.m. and HU-mid.
So tonight I am in practicing my piano and writing.

Sounds lame, but I am working on my career plan. I want to make this time in Austin count, because I do miss everyone back home.

Amy and Judy's Austin Adventure

It was so nice to have Amy and my mom here for the weekend. We have a lot of fun, I included pictures of us on our Duck Tour. It was hard saying goodbye to them. I miss that support system being so close.

I started to think about what I really wanted here in Austin and what I was doing. If I am honest with myself, and sometimes I am not - because it can be too scary to look your dreams straight in the eye. Or for me it has been, and that is the fear I am working to overcome with my time here in Austin.

Last week I started 100 Days of Julie to recognize the fearful shiver that my body utters, take a deep breath, intentionally and mentally address it and move it aside in my mind.

During my 100 Days, I will be enjoying writing when the inspiration strikes, and not feeling guilty about that - and make the writing of those thoughts a priority. Inspiration comes to me all the time, and I have been texting it to myself, using my voice recorder or a notebook to secure these thoughts, but I haven't revisited them. Writing a rought draft of them as is, will help me out.

I will be sewing and speaking Spanish and have brushed up on my piano by then too. It is just a matter of priorities, like everything else in life. And in the next 100 Days - I will be putting myself first.

And last week, my first week , was great for me. I had a great week at work, but I just told myself I belonged and accepted more and more responsibility for things. I signed up for another improv class and went to a couple performances and I loved it.

The ease of settling for a mediocre life and numbing myself with television in the evenings is the path I am skipping away from with concentrated intention. I will start posting more recipes too. I cooked today and it felt good - but I don't want to over do it with food - just enough to keep me organized with healthy meals for the week!

So after experiencing the first 7 days of the 100 Days of Julie. I am feeling more my goofy and spirited self. The layers of grime are being rubbed off. Eventually I will be the shiny penny I was before I made some terrible detours in my 20s!

It is hard to come back to a 9-5 after running your own gig for so long. Part of me is excited about the new space, the free coffee and my limited responsibilities. Another part of me knows I have to be reigned in and not try to control the whole place. Or at least my little piece of the Coomunications world.

I take pride in my work, but sometimes I don't know when to let go. It was a definite "learn" (thing I learned) from Entrees By You, so I don't want to fail back into old-manic habits.

As a way to help my control issues, I enrolled in an improv class here in Austin at ColdTowne Theater. It's close, and I went to a show on Saturday and felt a longing for the days I did improv at the Second City school. So I am there now. Wednesdays, 6-8 pm. This Wednesday will be my first class. I'll let you know how it goes.

I also enjoyed a drink by myself on Saturday night. I wanted time to think, and Ginny's Longhorn Saloon provided the perfect backdrop. Dane Sterling and his band were playing Country favorites from Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson and I sat at the bar nursing my cold Dos Equis out of the chilled juice glass. Sharon the bartender wrinkled her brow when I asked for a glass - I guess that is high-maintenance. It didn't bother me. I wanted a glass, and the fact it was chilled made it double the fun.

Look how far I have come. I am sitting in a bar enjoying myself and not making eye contact with Tony - who is sitting next to me. I just want alone time. Me, my beer and my country ballads.

I got a job...

That might be old news to some of you, but the first month was so stressful, I didn't have time to post. I wrote, but no time to edit. Now I make time.

My job is with a Communications department at a foundation, and since I had to sign a confidentialty agreement, I won't be naming the place. I am excited about it, and will catch you up.

It came about in the exact way every career coach I spoke with said it would. Networking. People find jobs through networking over 80% of the time versus, sending blind resumes out over the internet or any other avenue.

I have to agree, because it was getting down to it, and I was branching out into the fields of retail customer service, and waitressing - but with no success there. So I feel you have to know someone to get a job anywhere!

You would think with four years of direct customer service, a family-run florist in town called Freytag's would be interested in me. But they weren't. And I followed up.

Or the Simplicity Wine bar, after I caught the manager and discussed my food service and waitress experience and the fact I have my sanitation license. She seemed interested, and as we were talking, a server called in sick. Maybe this was the wrong move, and made me seem desperate, but I said I could cover the shift tonight if she was short.

She looked happy and confused at the same time. I think her name was Heather. She never called, and it looked like she had her hands full with just day to day stuff as her boyfriend was helping her with the opening duties.

Better I am not at either place, but the night I met Heather and she didn't call - I made a list of everything I wanted in a job:
* Strategic
* Fast paced
* Helping people
* Non-conventional
* Creative exchange of ideas and ability to execute on them
* Well respected place
* Fresh - open minded work force
* Learning each day

and it all came true.

My housemate Jenny passed on an email from her friend who was looking for an admin in the Communications Dept of this foundation. That was a Wednesday, I replied to her on Thursday morning and we met for lunch on Friday. I have press room experience from the Smithsonian, and she actually liked my executive experience and wasn't at all put off by it as others seemed to be.

Before the interview, I made sure my potential boss knew I valued myself and my time and I asked in an email before we met if
1) there were room for advancement
2) if I would be making good contacts
3) if I finished my admin stuff could I work on more challenging communication items.

The answer was yes to all three and I believe she enjoyed my enthusiasm. I told her I was starting to boss people around at my volunteer gig, so I was happy to start taking on some responsibility!

I started the following Wednesday. I promise to catch you up. I miss you.

Breaking up is hard to do....

There is something so anonymous about online job hunting, that I really appreciate this rejection I received from Scripps Corporation. The personalized care with which they rejected me, makes me think they understand I created a resume and cover letter exclusively for them. I did, and my reward is a sweet and extremely informal rejection email, that takes a terse and firm twist in the middle - but flattens back out to sweetness in the closure.

If you have been following the blog, you know I vacillate between landing one of my dream jobs, and just landing a job to get a paycheck. I now feel like my creative soul and my corporate one are on some Amazing Race to see who finishes first to land me a paycheck. It's a series of hills and valleys and gut-wretching challenges.

One of my dream jobs would to be to host my own cooking show on the Food Network. My idea is called Pantry Possibilities, but I am available for other shows too. I applied to a few jobs on the Scripps Corporate website, as Scripps owns the Food Network, home to such stars as Rachael Ray, Alton Brown and Bobby Flay, in order to start from the ground up.

I remember this particular job listing was for a type of Production Assistant job (they called it something fancier). I stretched all my culinary skills as far as I could towards the posted job description. I mean - to chop onions for Ina Garten, my real Food Network hero, would be an honor.

Clearly they were thinking about me for a long time as a match for this job, because I submitted an application for "Kitchen Steward" (another fancy title - this one for dish washer) on the same day. For Kitchen Steward, they rejected me straight away, and not nearly as nicely as in this one.

You will notice, in today's rejection email, they use my first name, like we are already friends, and tell me to not take this rejection - done electronically - personally. That is really sweet, but nothing about my interaction with Scripps has been personal. So maybe is it overly sweet, for a company I have only encountered online. But it is a well thought out rejection, and it indeed has a pleasant tone. Proving it is easier to be sweet and firm from a distance.

They thank me for my interest, let me know it has been difficult for them, that we just aren't a good match, and warns me that I am NOT being further considered for this job.

The email is well received by me. I forgot I even applied for this job, and it makes me feel busier then I thought I was. I don't want to be oversensitive with my pride - but I understood the content before I opened it. I understood when I received the email with the subject line "Thank you for your interest". So on that end, I think the "you will not be considered further for this particular opportunity" is a little excessive, but maybe they have had problems getting through to people with their rebuffs in the past.

The personal salution is touching. I mean - read it:

Dear Julie,

Thank you for your interest in employment with Scripps Networks Interactive, and the position of Food Styling Coordinator II; requisition #1353. The selection of candidates requires difficult decisions and at this point it has been determined that your background is not a match for the specific requirements for this position. Accordingly you will not be considered further for this particular opportunity. Please do not consider it a poor reflection on you; rather, it is an indication that another candidate has skills that better fit the role.

We encourage you to periodically review the list of available job opportunities provided on our web site and follow the application process described. Thank you again and best of luck with your career search.

Sincerely,

Scripps Networks Interactive Recruiting Team

I have had less civil break ups with men I have dated. And I am glad they let me know it's them, and not me with the phrase "Please do not consider it a poor reflection on you". I was wondering how I reflected, and now I know, it's not poorly.

At first I thought the Scripps Network Interactive Recruiting Team didn't understand that during the last 2 months of this job search I have had to develop skin thicker than a Biggest Loser contestant. I am directly and indirectly rejected each day. This is the nicest direct rejection I have received so far. And from a place where I haven't even spoke to someone on the phone.

I usually find when I am doing follow up calls, people find the intrusion of personal contact threatening. Everything is pretty in cyberspace, but don't put yourself in front of me. Like the floral designer yesterday, who guarded the hiring managers name at Freytag's Florist like it was a formula to Coke Classic. I wasn't trying to harass him. The job posting said phone calls where okay.

So - this electronic rejection is really sweet. And I am going to let it make my day. I am not going to worry that as a society, people want less and less to do with each other.

Someone at Scripps in HR understands the level of rejection involved in a job search more than I realize, and I appreciate it. He/She is just trying to make the world a kinder, gentler and more civilized place, one rejection email at a time.

That are probably mail merged in some way and sent out a thousand in one shot.

Sweet Home Chicago -- or Austin

Back from my trip to Chicago, and it was good to be home. I saw many friends, took care of errands (like my taxes and a good haircut-thank you Kim) and had some mom-time with Judy, when I could pry her out of the house. The world she recognizes and trusts gets smaller each day.

My mom doesn’t remember where I live, or when I will be back in front of her again, and I honestly don’t know what to tell her, or anyone. I am torn as to where my home actually is. Chicago has much love for me, and is filled with family and friends, but I tire of the high taxes, government corruption, the dreary weather, and its most popular past times of eating and drinking.

I could be traveling in the wrong crowds, because sometimes being rooted in a place too long, lets you be lazy, stop exploring opportunities and while you travel your old, tried and true goat paths. Obviously Chicago has live music, but something about Austin’s scene is so refreshing. People treat the artists with great deference. They have “listening rooms”, not bars. Although it is a bar, with tables, chairs, and an actual bar with drinks, but people become irritated if you are talking too much and not listening to the artist in front of you. Or they are dancing to the music. And you know I LOVE to dance.

Plus, music in Austin is on every corner, literally every coffeeshop, grocery store, record store, even the airport. That rocks. And not only does it rock, but its country , and Swing -type honky tonk, and some punk, all of this and more. And the depth of talent is impressive. My housemate and I heard a guy named Dan Dyer at Central Market North (yes, a supermarket) he would make Shuba's or the Bottom Lounge proud.

In Chicago, The Pritzker Pavilion is a lovely addition to the music scene. It is scenic on the North End of Millenium Park, and the acoustics are perfect. The price is free, so basically unbeatable, but it is an outdoor venue and open for a few months of the year.

Also, most music I hear in Chicago is a back drop to drinking and catching up with friends. Again, maybe I am in the wrong venues in Chicago, or it is what you make of it.

Austin has lots of hiking, and kayaking. It is beautiful here- mostly year round. A real jewel of forest preserves and lakes (that are really the dammed off portions of the Colorado River) in a city struggling to not develop into a metropolis. Its small town charm, plus its urban amenities make it a utopia for many transients.

There seems to be a fight brewing for Austin’s soul or at least its way of life. There are so many new transplants from bigger, urban areas, that there is a bit of backlash against foreigners (people are other states-it is Texas, and they really do think they are their own country), and people who haven’t lived in Austin for over 10 years. It is a snide and ugly face to Austin, that their Southern manners hide well, but I have heard the snickerings. People here are proud to be Texans, there are more State of Texas flags flying then American flags, but those are populous too.

It is a beautiful and livable city. I too would guard it from the strange, city folk who the Austinites believe will destroy their way of life with fancy high rises, increasing rents and jaded rudeness. Attitude is any form is not normally found here.

Already the South By Southwest music and film festival has transformed into a national event, that I noticed many locals just avoiding in parts or altogether this year, because it is too overrun with people now. Better to just see some music the following week, when you don't need to worry about wrist bands, lines and finding a seat.

That is a problem in Chicago. Too many people all trying to do the same things. So many lines, it was a treat to find a place for Sunday brunch where there wasn't a 45 minute wait, or a bar where you could get a drink right away. Using the lakefront made you a defensive runner, biker or rollerblader, because you never knew if someone's kid was going to travel across the bike path chasing a ball.

Chicago’s electricity and energy comes from so many people though, and the natural beauty of Lake Michigan, is undeniable. I remember many Summer mornings walking Baxter down to Oak Street beach early in the morning, and feeling like I was in Florida with the Atlantic Ocean stretched out in front of me as he repeated jumped in to fetch his ball.

Plus Chicago has abundant man-made architectural beauty. The Art Institute, Cultural Center, Millenium Park, UIC-area historic homes, neighborhood bungalows, and all the various skyscrapers serve as a testament to man’s forward progress through the years.

Knowing I can navigate the bustling urban landscape, and have an insider’s eye from years of experience in this fast-paced metropolis makes me feel young, savvy and energetic. I can't help it. It makes me feel competent.

That the gritty students who hop on the Orange line at the Art Institute stop don’t scare me with their loud meanderings and music mean I am not an old fuddy-duddy. Though I will admit, they were annoying and brash. Their adolescent flirting of physically hitting your crush (one guy was i guess "lovingly" kicked in the balls on my trip), and now apparently profanity is quite popular as a term of endearment. Of course as a teen, you do need to act out so loud that everyone can hear you. Even I remember that.

While not a fuddy-duddy, I have become a weary, urban warrior, and I did curse myself a bit for not accepting the two offers I had for a ride to Midway.

So while Austin fights for its way of life amidst of a crowded sea of transplants like myself. I will struggle to find out which landscape I now fit.
The savvy, overcrowded, urban arena of Chicago or the laid back, creative, livability of Austin. I’ll let you know when I find out. I would love it to be both.

Terrified or just plain old Trite

CHINESE PROVERB - Be not afraid of going slowly - only of standing still

I move through my life fine, until I see a movie like 500 Days of Summer, where I am equally moved by it, and thrilled with its depth – while it manages to be light. I am then a bit depressed that I have no productive outlet to create something that resonates with people like that particular piece of art I have just experienced.
Whether it’s a book, a story or some kind of performance – I want to develop things. I want to be responsible and debate plot lines, and characters. I want the thrill you get from creation on your own terms. And I get in a funk after experiencing something that connects with me, because I don’t put myself in a situation to use my imagination.

I have been running from it (my imagination) my entire life. I did make up for a high school music production, because I was too chicken to try out to act. I took photography in high school and applied to a college to major in it, but chickened out – went to a different school and majored in Journalism. I did Second City, but didn’t graduate – I walk towards my goals, and then veer off at the last minute.
Terrified, of success or failure – I don’t know.

For me, moving to Austin and being unemployed is like a living with a big open wound. It keeps getting irritated by the talent around me, and I know it needs treatment, but I don’t seek help. I have access and time for treatment, but I distract myself with other things. I have the time to explore careers, and I have. I have all kinds of plans, and laid out to-do grids and maps on my walls – but I resist acting on them. I moved to a creative place to be creative, and now I let my mind wrestle with why I don’t have a 9-5 job.

God help me. That is the end of my whine. My struggling artist persona has more to do with considering myself an artist than struggling with money. I know only I stand in the way of that. My inability to act on my dreams, while I have this free time and savings tightens my chest and gnaws at my nerves.

Its like a 40-something couple’s biological clock as they keep trying to get pregnant for the first time. It’s not in the forefront of your mind, because you would explode if you put all your hopes and dreams in the forefront of our mind, fulltime. It hangs in the back, leaning on a corner of your mind, smoking and slouching. My fear of my hopes and dreams is male, with dark, greasy hair and wears a white T shirt and black vest. He is waiting for the steps I take each day to call him to action. He hangs there waiting on me. I can feel the pressure. The more I can do, the better his chances for activity, but he knows I am scared, and just bought a new carton of cigarettes.

The Martha Beck book, Finding your North Star, says to accomplish your big goals in little steps, and that has been helpful. Much like the Chinese Proverb I listed at the top (which I have now hung in my rented room as a reminder). Today I will be drafting my letters to radio stations I would like to work, detailing why they should hire me.

It is not all gloom and doom here, and I know I am a hard working, creative, original thinking, opinionated and intelligent woman. I just need to open up to careers I care about, and lose the safety net of administrative or sales jobs unless it can further my creative goals. That is why I am focusing on radio stations today. Wouldn’t it be great to hear my opinions on the air? Talking about P!nk performance from the Grammys, who should’ve gotten kicked off Idol or what this Healthcare bill really means.

Go rent 500 Days of Summer, or my one of my other favorite movies Broadcast News, Funny Girl or TV shows like Nurse Jackie, Six Feet Under, early Law and Order (the Sam Waterson years –but before the blonde ADA) and 30 Rock. All so clever.
There are books too – as I love books. I will save those recommendations for later.

Keep on, keeping on!

Every day I send out two targeted cover letters and resumes. The job search networking group I go to on Fridays, Launch Pad Job Club, says to target each resume and letter to a job specifically. The meetings are helpful, but sometimes hard to be around so many unemployed people in one spot. It's like if you know you are prone to eating crappy food, but want to do better. You should choose to make lunch plans with your friends who eat well, don't plan to eat with the fatties* who wallow in the misery of devouring a whole pizza, after the mozzarella sticks, while debating if dessert is at option. Make better choices.

Anyway, back to sending two targeted resumes a day, I did that in Chicago before I left, and received two job offers, I am hoping to have the same success in Austin. One of the reasons I am in Austin, is because those offers didn't pan out. One was for way too little money, and the other decided to layoff staff instead of hire more.

But I keep on trucking, and am reading Cool Careers for Dummies. They have an interviewing section that helped with yesterday's interview for an Administrative Assistant at Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The interview went well, the Office Manager, Linda already liked me before I came in. She had many interviews that day, and after she seated me, I saw her face light up when she recognized my resume. I almost didn't have to say anything, she acted like she knew me already.

It's not a great fit for me, she mentioned something about keeping the kitchen clean as a job responsibility that left me feeling queasy, but I am open to it, and they are taking 2-3 weeks to figure out their staffing needs. My thank you note, went out yesterday.

The two job hunt lottery winners for today are:
Account Executive - Young & Rubicam Brand
Temp to Hire, Admin Asst through the Temp Agency for an Engineering Firm

Speaking of the lottery, I purchased two chances yesterdays, so I might already be a millionaire. I better go check that...

Ciao!

* I weighed my options (pardon the pun), and "fattie" is the perfect word for what I am trying to convey. I know plenty of people who eat crappy and are rail thin, so please - no need to make the case for that. This is like the N-word for me. A term of endearment (tongue in cheek) if you will. As a fattie, I can use it, and have it not be offensive, but please don't try this at home.

I was not the best receptionist, but I worked it!

I was not the best receptionist yesterday. I did my best, but the morning was a bit of trial and error. There was much multitasking to do, and I always think its funny when a receptionist leaves, and gives you 5 minutes of instruction on how to do her job. She is a full-time professional, and I am sure her job would take more than 5 minutes to explain.

I arrived at 12:30 p.m., and I could see her fingers were fluttering with the anticipation that she will be leaving for her half day off in minutes. In fact, she's leaving exactly after she makes sure I am situated. Irma goes through her “here’s what you do when” presentation, and sweetly asks if I have any questions, while she is looking around the desk for an object that would need a last minute explanation. She has already mentioned the call sheet, the cell phone list, the step by step instructions on how to answer the phone (don’t laugh-these come in handy later).

My anal-retentive mind is running through scenarios, and asking to be allowed to pick up the phone while she is still here, to practice and be corrected immediately. It is ringing, but starts taking the calls.

I ask questions on what I can anticipate, but there are no real questions now. The questions come later when you are doing the tasks solo, and realize your brain thinks the procedure would be one way, and her well-prepared instruction sheet details, another way. And her way is always gonna be right, and she is the full-time professional. She has the whole thing set up as she, and her boss, likes it.

I am left to sink or swim, and the only big flub of the day was for the first hour I was not hitting “transfer”, after I answered the call. The “hold” button made more sense to me, and in the rush, with three calls or so coming in at once, you have got to go with your gut. I see now how hitting transfer can eliminate steps, and am glad I reread Irma’s instructions. I mean that telephone system she has is very clever. Sorry Beverly for hanging up on your twice, and for calling back each time.

Normally – when I can’t do something perfect, I become very frustrated, and a pre-Entrees By You Julie would have been traumatized by not doing things exactly right from the start. But the last few years of running Entrees By You, have softened that hard and sharp edge I had, making my black and white mind a collage in shades of gray. I let go of the expectation that I needed to fully understanding someone’s job in 5 minutes, it’s unrealistic.

Your true intelligence is measured by your ability to adapt to a situation quickly once you understand it, not trying to read everything in an attempt to guess a hundred and twelve ways for the situation to go so you can be prepared. I do this all the time, and I call it "strategic thinking" on my resume!

God, that is how I spent the decade of my life I now call my 30s! Thinking strategically - about EVERYTHING. It is paralyzing, and just typing this is therapeutic, so thanks for hanging in there with me, but Jesus – it is a whole metaphor for my current life and how Entrees By You and working with Amy have changed my perspective. But that is pretty deep, and we can dive into that later.

So everything did make sense when Irma left. And then she gave me her cell phone number, but I poo-poo that. I can’t imagine what would possess me to call someone I am temping for on their cell phone DURING their afternoon off. It would take a Jack Bauer situation, where the whole building will explode if I don’t get the passcode from Irma’s desk top, in order to undetonated (sorry, if this isn’t a word) the bomb. Saving us all!

Irma’s work is ebb and flow. There is some quiet time, and she showed me how to surf the internet (again, everyone operates like you have 2 brain cells, of course I know how to use the internet from a desk top computer, as so 1st graders, but I thought it was nice of her to take time to mention it when she was fighting a full borne sprint to the front door). After she left, in the calm, I picked up my copy of At Work, the aptly titled Annie Leibowitz memoir I had checked out at the library. And more frequently then not the calls, visitors, questions and deliveries converged on Irma’s desk like a perfect storm, and I navigated through them.

I enjoyed how busy her desk is, and how I got to greet people and provide a friendly face. The prospective students, and their parents were nervous for these would be initial college interviews. It is rewarding to see them smile back, like they are relieved someone thinks they belong there at the school of the Art Institute of Austin. Being helpful is a definite on my list of characteristics of my perfect job.

How did the snow find me here!!

Brrr! Austin freaked out today with 1-3 inches falling here. Good thing it was 70 degrees here on Sunday.

A haunt all my own or just stay on home...

As I sit in Thunderbird Coffee on Koenig Lane in Austin, I remember why I changed my work strategy to staying at home, and writing. This coffee shop is full of people – singles at tables for four, most with their laptops, lattes, and PDAs displayed in front of them like an order of privacy. All the coffeehouse patrons are staying busy enough to avoid acknowledging each other. I am not European enough to ask to share a table, so I peruse for a single seat.

My search reveals an upholstered, maroon wing chair next to a low, wooden, veneer end-table that has a black coat draped over it. There is a bald guy sitting in the accompanying maroon chair drinking tea, and blocking himself off with an erect Apple computer. I move in. I ask both of the occupants on either side of "my" chair, if the it was being used, or if they knew who the coat belonged to. They didn’t, and I hated to interrupt their busy-ness, as I move the coat over to a random chair at one of the 3 vacant table seats to my left.

As I settle in, I listen to the 80s new wave hits from my youth that are always playing here. Right now its “Shellshock” by New Order. Actually – Austin is a good place to hear an 80s sound track at any time. I get nostalgic at my gym, in the supermarket, and all the coffee shops when I hear this stuff. I wonder if they have a special Sirius station for just songs I remember from high school and college. It seems like they do, makes me feel warm and fuzzy about Austin.
While New Order continues on about it “never enough until your heart stops (or starts) beating".

I look around to take in all the people who are have crowded into one of my new favorite places. There are at least 20 people hanging out in this coffee shop at 4 p.m. on a Monday. One couple is at the table near the door. They are animated and seem to be having fun. My experience when you see a couple of people talking at a coffee shop, and I am based this on only the conversations I have eavesdropped upon (sorry that is half the fun of going here), is that it's some sort of informational interview, an official one or they are college students working on something. Otherwise you are again, relegated to brandishing your "weapons against conversation with strangers", the laptop, PDA, Ipod etc. So when two people decide to speak to each other out load in such a solemn environment , it would be a shame to not listen. Right? They are too far away for me to hear though.

One man to my right is reading “Simply Christianity, Why Christianity Makes Sense”. He must be a student, because who would read that without it being required reading from a syllabus. He is a middle- aged guy in jeans and a T shirt, with a wedding ring. Maybe he is looking for answers. Oh wait, he also has a huge book with white letters that says Systematic Theology. Yuck. What does that mean? I put in the link in case you want to know.

I wonder if people are wondering about me too. I DID shower before I went out, which I cannot confirm for everyone here. That greasy, hipster look is popular here. I didn’t have time to dry my hair before I came. And my hair looks crazy when it isn’t blown dry. When I say crazy, I mean – not at all pretty or acceptable for public consumption, so now I am stuck wearing my soft, ivory skull cap for the rest of my stay here. I do love that hat. I was hoping for my hair to form cute ringlets lining the bottom of the cap, or at least waves. I am choosing to believe that look is what is rocking under the cap, since I am too lazy and not vain enough to get up and see for myself.

Thunderbird is one of the places I go to write, and job search, mainly because it is four blocks away, and I can walk. Sometimes during this job search I need a change of venue from writing in my bedroom. The people factor can be distracting (in I guess a good way), and professionally made coffee is always better than mine, and I love the music so I will continue to pay a $5 latte admission fee to come here. Oh – here comes, Depeche Mode’s “Never Let Me Down Again”, and at 5 p.m. – it will turn to Happy Hour with beer specials.

Entry level now, or hold out?

The job market in Austin is better for entry level careers. Unfortunately, I am more middle level, so it provides me with a career dilemma as I job search. There seem to be many office manager and admin jobs for a person willing to organize other people for another $30,000 a year. And then there is Sales. There is always a market for Sales jobs. I have ample experience in both these fields. Would all my sacrifices be in vain if I excepted a job in a field I am not interested in – at a lower income range then I have been at previously?

My mind wrestles with this question daily. Which is the best course of action? I have already spent a lifetime getting experience in fields I don’t want to work in, so why prolong that? My only answer is because it’s scary out here on my own. Making decisions that will take me to a goal I am not sure I can complete, in a town where I have few friends (cue the melodramatic organ music).

I woke up yesterday nervous I wasn’t making the most of my Austin experience. My mind goes back and forth like a pinball hitting all the bumpers as I try to figure out if I should be searching for a job in Sales, where I have the most experience but not the most love.

Now that the newness has worn off of my move, I miss Chicago, my family, my friends. That stupid Daughtry song, “Home” followed another song about missing people and family on the easy listening station here. I thought it was a sign that it would be okay to cry, so I let the sadness wrap around me like a warm pashmina scarf. It was comforting and well-fitted, but not too tight. I was sad about all the work that went awry with Entrees By You, the fun and security I left behind in Chicago. I am working on creating a better situation for myself in Austin. It’s not better here in Austin yet. I am working on developing a network of friends and finding a job. So I let myself cry for the 3 minute song, felt the sadness and then headed inside Pure Austin Fitness for my workout. I let it go, and focused on my “run”. Navigating this uncharted territory is more mentally exhausting then I thought, but I am hanging in there, with the thought of a promised land – created by me in the distance.

I made myself go out and see a band last night. Akina Adderly and the Vintage Playboys. I give them a C+. She has a powerful voice, but the songs were terribly trite and boring to listen to. I met a guy named Steve. He likes go hiking and running and such, so he might be fun. He wanted me to run with him today, but clearly he doesn’t understand when I use the term – “run” it is always in quotes. I’ll keep you posted.

Plans for this weekend. As I stretch and try to do things that are uncomfortable to me, I am planning on participating in a free Cardio Strip class (just being associated with something strippers do makes me a little queasy), the Ballroom Dancing group on Saturday. It is Rumba night!

To recap from my previous post, going to Gruene Hall on Saturday was fun. It is in New Braunfel, a town about 40 minutes outside of Austin. A real German community; my Uncle Mike would be proud. For all the hooting and hollering about how great Gruene Hall is, and I HAD to go (strangers would write it down on pieces of paper for me to remember for later when they found out I was from out of town). It wasn't the most AWESOME place to see a show.

It was rustic in a way that screamed of the need for remodeling, to me. No central heat for its barn shaped structure, so certain places on the wooden picnic tables it has for seating are undesirable, unless you like the steady stream of hot, forced air on your face. And a floor for a dance hall that had a few holes, and was unsteady and uneven. I also thought, for a dance hall - the floor seemed small. But this in a small town, and I am sure when they built it in 1878, they didn't imagine it would draw such a following from other cities. It's claim to fame really is that it is still functioning.

Watching the couples twirl around it was inspiring and great fun. I got to dance with Scott, the man in the cowboy hat, and we twirled too, at my request. I loved it. Scott was a real Southern gentleman, and asked each of the ladies in our group to dance. I do like these well-mannered cowboys.

I definitely see more dancing in my future, but need to invest in some cowboy boots. My brown, Kenneth Cole, knee highs with the stilletto heel was a real problem while dancing, and walking on the cobblestone the town used in parts for a sidewalk.

The red head in the picture is my housemate Jenny. I am glad she invited me, as it was my first dance hall experience, and I loved the musician we saw. Bruce Robison.

He is one of Jenny's favorites and now mine. He is a tall-drink-of- country water, whose lyrics just won't let me leave. I have thought about his songs every day since the show. They are poignant,touching and he sang with such heart-felt emotion, you would think he was personally going through the emotions on each song. Right there on stage. His show was better than listening to the CD. And I haven't thought that about ANYONE, since I saw Van Halen with David Lee Roth a year ago. My favs are "Angry All The Time" (Tim McGraw did a cover of this) and "My Brother and Me"

Write more later. Love you...

My 23 year old "boss"

Yesterday my job was moved to the Admissions office with hopes that they were better organized then the Financial Aid office. They were, and I was in no position to turn down work. My contact turned out to be the 23 year old administrative asst for the group. But I didn’t know that yet, because she didn’t really introduce herself when she picked me up from the reception desk. Yes – is does start out like I am in First Grade and someone has to come and fetch me. I am a good sport about that by now.

The feathers were ruffled when she gave me an assignment that was too easy. The challenging part about temping to me is that everyone treats you like you are stupid. Maybe I am taking it too personally – but here are my two examples – you decide.

One was my “easy” assignment of filling a large pile of papers into the “elusive” set of corresponding manila folders that were in a series of cabinets. Just the dream job I wanted from my last post - seriously. I was excited. Finally, a gig where I could make some progress.

I was the little fairy in the hall – filing my heart out, opening and closing drawers and trying to stay out of the way. No one would acknowledge or make eye contact with me, so it was easy to plough through my work. I was the little filing fairy on the bottom rung of the Admissions office caste system. People wanted their files organized with the proper paperwork, but they didn’t want to know HOW it happened.

And Ashley was busy. Truly – she did seem to have her shit together for a 23 year old, and I don't think she wanted to be in charge of my activities in the first place. So when I told her there were no corresponding files for my paperwork, she exhaled loudly, and in the loudest voice I had heard her use yet, said, “Nevermind- I’ll do it. It would be easier for me, I know where they go.” SLAM! Wow - I didn’t even see that coming.

I was proud of myself when I responded in a calm and reflecting voice, “it’s not that its hard, but there are no corresponding folders”.
Okay – I wanted to say. I know where you TOLD me they go, but apparently that isn’t good enough now. (I have come a long way since getting kicked out of Girl Scouts, but more on that later)

My good manners and astute filing paid off, and we finally worked out a groove where she was farming off projects to me as I finished my work. She probably wasn’t prepared for my drive and determination. 

I set up scenario two next post. I have to get ready to go to Greune Hall. Its a real live Country and Western Dance Hall! The bar is more a dance hall, Texas’s most famous dance hall called Greune Hall.

It was just featured a few months ago in the lifestyle magazine Texas Monthly, and a guy at the library just told me about it. Texans are very proud of it – but sooooo many people have talked about it. I would how can it not be a tourist trap? In Chicago, this type of venue would definitely be a tourist trap. I mean look what they did with Navy Pier. That used to be a functioning pier right? And now – just a tourist trap with McDonalds and flat iron kiosks. So off to the dance hall to meet real cowboys….

Time for Temping

Wow did that suck! And when I say suck – I mean it sucked the life and part of my soul right out of me. It was temping – and it was just filing. For 8 hours today, filing. I didn't think it would be that bad.

I have always been a good temp. I temped between jobs and during all my Summers in college for spending money. I always get asked to stay permanently. But today was hard – and I learned my lesson.

The filing was not rewarding, because the files of the place were SOOO messed up. It wasn’t like I had a huge pile of papers, I mean - I did have that, but – when I got to the filing cabinets – the files were not always alphabetical, or there wasn’t always a safe, manila home for my Financial Aid forms and transcripts.

I had to take my pile to three different cabinets like a Clerical Goldilocks. No – Mary Salazar’s paperwork doesn’t fit in with the “current” students, so I roll my office chair two feet to the left to try the “dropped” file cabinet, and onto the home of students who never even started, the “cancelled” cabinet, if the first two are misses. It was a paperwork maelstrom with me in the middle trying to settle things down.

Today – before I started I wondered what it would be like to get offered a job here. Some security and stability in a place as mundane as the Financial aid office of the Art Institute in Austin. I haven't worked since September, and it is gnawaing at me.

At first, working was entertaining. I loved seeing all the different names and snuck glances at the GPAs and majors of these kids just starting out with their lives. But then it got monotonous, and I envied these kids. Then I think I envied the staff with their knowledge of day to day tasks, how to find the breakroom, and a steady paychecks.

The pile of papers with no file to hold them grew higher and higher, a bunch of misfits. I can relate, and it was making my chest tighten. But I won’t feel sorry for myself. I mean – I did – and I can see how people who take jobs where there is NO satisfaction need booze or television each night to make them forget the heartache of their day. If I didn’t want to write this I would be watching American Idol RIGHT NOW.

I have no idea how my attempts to create a life as a writer and photographer are going to take some work – so having some kind of 9-5 is probably in the cards. I just cant' sell myself short and think I would be happy with a job I was qualified to do in college now that it is 20 years later. It would be like trying to relive my glory days at Taco Johns. God I loved that job.

I need to shoot for a job that challenges me, and quit trying to pay it safe with this easy and mundane shit. And for those of you thinking - ah DUH!! I always have to learn the hard way. Until I find an alternative source of income, I will be saying YES to all the temp work I can. It is either that or food service again.

The benefit of the temp job is, how much the dread of it motivates me to find the dream I am looking for in Austin. My creative soul and a job that feeds it. It has become more motivating then my dwindling bank account.

Baxter coughed it up!

I think. I can only surmise. I was asleep and if any of you have had the pleasure of my overnight company (and don't go immediately to the gutter with that) - but I sleep like a log. A log that is insulated in cushiony, soft blankets and then put in a sound proof chamber, and THEN dropped to the bottom of the ocean. Nothing wakes me.

So how joyous and lovely this morning for me to find at the corner of my bed this lovely pile of half-digested stick. This is it!!! It's out. This is the stick that has been causing Baxter all his heartache and mine. His weasing and gagging, the starting to play and stopped as he is overcome with a coughing attack. Its out! Its gonna be all easy breathing from now on.

I have included a pic of the proud cougher-uper with his prize.
And a close-up of it. This means no surgery for my little
guy and that the scope we (as in the vet performed it and I paid for it) did last week did loosen it up.

I gave him many adoring pets this morning, rubbing his throat because it is probably a little sore and stroking his head in approval. Really - what a relief.

If you have ever experienced some nagging health malady for yourself, or kids, or parents or pets - you know what a relief this is to me. Its the guessing that is the worst. You do invasive procedures and you aren't sure if they will be worth the pain and suffering. I was a wreck the day the specialist vet put him under to do the scope of his nose. And I was heartbroken when she didn't find anything. That was the day I was hoping for a prize. That Dr. Locke would come back from excavating Baxter nasal cavity with a slimy, gross stick she had extracted. But nothing, just some instructions to see if anything was loosen, and it the breathing problems persistent - the next step is a rhinoplasty - where they slice into his nose cartilage and fold it open.

Now - that isn't necessary. Yeah Baxter! Good job.

Thursday's line up - physical training/sewing/writing

I might be overscheduled, but as I try to follow my bliss, I realize I need to start looking at more temp agencies to supplement my income while I follow my North Star.

Today I am overbooked with things that will make me extremely happy - but not necessarily will translate into earning a living.

at 9 a.m. I met with a trainer who will be guiding me to a stronger and healthier body. Although making my "big" lunch of a turkey burger on wheat with spinach, pepper jack cheese, homemade avocado spread (instead of mayo) and thinly sliced tomatoes and onions makes me think I should consider part time work in cooking.

I am leaving momentarily to attend a Sewing Club -they will be making Sewing Caddy. I need to see a demonstration on how to do a bias cut! For the piping on my foot stool cover project. The fabric is red corduroy!

And at 7 p.m. is a Writers group that is supposed to have great speakers. I met the man who organizes it, Aldo, and he seems to have his shit together and a line up of great speakers.

Thursday's line up - physical training/sewing/writing

Baxter and bowling

So here is a shot of Baxter after the procedure. The rhinoscope that searched inside his left nostril, and when they didn’t she anything they went to the right – and flushed them both. Nothing. He is a little exhausted after the ordeal, and I am confused about what to do next. He still has the chronic weasing/coughing, but the doctor said that would be worse for a couple of days after the procedure. We are hanging onto hope. That now everything in there is loosening up, he will pop something out!

So on a Monday at 1:30 pm – I am in a bowling alley for a career changing networking group. Weird right? I know. I arrived 20 minutes early – because I didn’t know how long it would take to get here. Dart Bowl on Grover.

More weird then me being at a career counseling group that is in a bowling alley, is that people are actually bowling at 1:30 p.m. on a Monday. The sound of the balls hitting the floor and then the pins is actually more relaxing then distracting. And the swipe of the arm to reset them seems melodic. I am enjoying this environment, and there are at least 15 people bowling. What a nice way to break up your day. I see a few solo bowlers, and then 3 teams of friends keeping track of each other.
Hmm – the lone solo bowler by me is cute. And he must be a regular - because people greeted him on his way in. oh la la, he took off his oxford , so maybe he goes back to work after this. That’s right – stretch out that hip. Oh – he is mad at the way the ball smacked to the lacquered floor on his last that frame. He looks good in just a white undershirt and khakis.

Speaking of khakis…
Now that it is closer to our meeting time, more people in their “work” clothes are coming to the career meeting, instead of the casual bowlers in their khakis and golf shirts. Is it really necessary to dress business casual to a counseling group about career changes? Okay – here are some of my peeps dressed in jeans and a top, instead of dress pants and a button down. Write later…

Baxter update

On another note, Baxter saw the specialist yesterday at Central Texas Vet Specialty Hospital. It took two weeks to get the appointment, but I think the doctor can help. She was extremely professional and seemed to have experience with other dogs who have gotten things lodged in their noses. We decided to do a scope on little Baxter, so he can again play ball and not be overcome with what looks like an attack of dry-heaving, but sounds like my Grandpa Yacullo snoring. It’s an ugly sight, and I don’t think he can catch his breath during these episodes which are becoming more frequent.

He hasn’t specifically told me what the problem is, but we communicate. I know something is troubling him, because he is much needier for my attention then before, and he looks at me with those big, trusting, brown eyes, that seem to plea “HELP ME, please” while his little body involuntarily lurches back and forth as it heaves. All I have been able to do is rub his furry back to try and relax him while it happens, but clearly something needs to be done.

So we decided on Thursday to knock him out with drugs and she will scope his nose with her delicate instruments to find the stick lodged in his nose or block his throat and do a type of wash through his nasal cavity to release it. Keep your fingers crossed on that.

And while Baxter’s random stick sounds like a pain to deal with, I am reminded how healthy he is and lucky I am to have him. In that waiting room alone, there was a bulldog named Judge who is only 4 years old and had to have two of his front left toes amputated to prevent his cancer from spreading, a German Shepard mix with hip dysplasia(sp?), and a sheepdog with a cast on his back, right leg from being hit by a car on New Year’s Eve. Yikes.

Still looking for my calling, but yesterday got sidetracked in a day of “errand hell”. The kind of trek that seems like it will be a quick jaunt to the bank and sewing store (I am making a slip cover for a foot stool-more on that home ec project later), but then turned into over 2 hours of searching for a Citibank that would take deposits, you would think they would make it more convenient to take my money, and a sewing store that was open, and that lead to a trip to Hobby Lobby for a cork board in order to start my career options flow-chart and the Violin store to pick up music for my second lesson which is tomorrow .

As a member of the unemployed, I am trying to be frugal with my money, but this thrifty lifestyle is harder to live than I thought it would be. Isn’t running all over town for the best deals really costing more money in gas and time? Yes - I saved $16 by NOT buying the cork board for $24.99 at Target and got it at Hobby Lobby for $9, only to see the same size board on sale in the Staples sampler this week for $5! So yay me for the partial savings, but it leaves me with the pang of failure when I realize I could have done better. I guess don’t beat myself up to much, and I will get the hang of where the bargain shops are, and the best prices. The main take away is steer clear of Target.

I knew that Target charged a premium on things, but I can see now how they blinded me to how much extra I was spending by their clean aisles, colorful displays and one-stop shopping convenience. I do love Target. Where else can you get a candle, new package of sponges, a cute hoodie, a gift for a 8 year old birthday party, a CD and a bag of holiday M&Ms? And some stores have groceries! Now that I see the incremental damage is does to my savings- it will be easier to stay away. Although that red bulls-eye will always have a special place in my heart, and I know deep down I am waiting for the day of reconciliation.

A blog- does this make you think that I think I am self important?

I hope not. This is just a way for me to keep in touch with friends and family, in a way where we are not bombarded with advertisements, "Cocktails at noon" or "which Charlie's Angel are you?", and is less confusing format for me.

The pic is in front of the house I share in Austin with my housemate Jenny. She owns the house. It is a beautiful 3 bedroom place with a lovely kitchen and a huge back yard. There is even a doggie door for Baxter. Training him to use it is another story.

So tune in and comment as you will, while I uproot my life, move to a new city, look for a new job, a boyfriend and fulfillment! If you think it sounds sappy, it does, but I am still going for it! Love you Chicago, but Peace out.

I am off to join a health club and then go to a party where I am acquainted with two people. Wish me luck. I only know 5 people in all of Austin anyone, so most places are full of people I don't know!